reading

[samsr]

hello

i´ve had the most horrible year ever. i quit my job in finance one year ago in order to pursue my life goal to have a love relationship. my heart was broken and i´m unemployed. no matter what i do, i cant seem to find a opportunity in any area (love or career). what´s wrong with me? i´m 33, single and unemployed... i feel like i´m the most horrible humam being ever.

[eye_of_tiger]

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, AND YOU ARE NOT A BAD OR HORRIBLE PERSON.

YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO FEELS OR IS TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE BAD OR HORRIBLE!

Fortunately making one unwise decision does not automatically make anyone including yourself "the most horrible human being ever". And it certainly does not mean that you are a failure, or that from now on you can only continue to make unwise decisions.

This is what is called CATASTROPHISING - viewing or presenting a situation as being considerably worse than it actually is.

You are being far too hard upon yourself for deciding to quit your job in finance one year ago in order to pursue your life goal to have a love relationship, although what has happened to you since then is largely the consequences of that decision.

It is not a crime to love or care for someone enough to do something as extreme as giving up your life's work to be with that person, so STOP right now being your own self appointed judge, jury and executioner rolled into one person, and START or BEGIN right now to use your considerable intelligence and untapped resources to work towards getting yourself out of this uncomfortable but definitely not hopeless situation.

The reading is telling me that you simply do not have enough energy available to you to waste it by catastrophising or making yourself feel more depressed by continually beating up on yourself for being imperfectly human, making mistakes and wanting to love and feel loved (which is probably our most important spiritual need). You need all of this energy you are currently wasting and more, for you to be able to move forwards again.

I have been married to the same woman for nearly 35 years, but I am not so old that I do not remember how first love can quickly confuse and force you into making some very impulsive and in hindsight bad decisions. At the time you made this decision to give up your job, it seemed like the only option currently on offer to you, but to have any relationship costs money. If you are not working, then how are you going to honestly get enough money to have a relationship?

The reading gives me the impression that there were other reasons for you quitting your job, which began long before you made it. I get a feeling that although you were making a reasonable living from it that you felt underemployed. In other words you may have felt that your boss was not recognising and using your knowledge and skills in the finance area as much as he or she should, and you therefore felt unappreciated and as if you were getting nowhere fast. You may have had interpersonal problems in getting on with your fellow workers, making you feel even more the need to find that special person in your life. I cannot say for sure what was responsible for your final decision, based upon only one isolated reading.

So let me get this straight. You want paid work, plus a love relationship? But in order to have either one of these, you will need the other to keep your life in its proper balance. You could have a job and no love, or love but no job, but I cannot see this working for very long. Have you completely burnt your bridges behind you with regards to getting back into finance, as your reading indicates that this is the career where you are most likely to achieve the most success in developing your full potential?

Of course it does not have to necessarily be with your same, previous employer. Did he give you good job references before you left a year ago, or did you part on bad terms with him or your work colleagues (or both)? Have you considered any self employment options?

Is having to depend so much on others in your team to do their job properly holding you back? Either work on your interpersonal and social skills, or do you have the self discipline and self organisation required for you to go solo? You must use your available energies from now on with far less catastrophising, and dedicate them to both getting gainful employment as well as putting yourself out there in looking for a partner lucky enough to be loved by you.

This is not going to be easy, but it is not impossible. Catastrophising can make this seem impossible. Not taking proper care of yourself and not going to a doctor when you are already deeply depressed and cannot see any way out of the situation can also do it. Try to break each of these tasks into smaller but achievable and measurable steps, with the intention not to overpower your coping mechanisms as you are doing now.

What then will be your first step towards getting back into the work force, other than the obvious things which you are already doing (applying for jobs, having a well prepared CV and job references, going for interviews, seeing anyone who could offer you career guidance in your local area)?

What will be your first step towards finding someone to share your hopes and dreams with? A list of what you are looking for in that person, and a list of what you could not live with in your partner. Are you getting out of your home on a regular basis (needs money) to the places here you would most expect to find the person best described by both your lists?

Your reading is one of someone who must take a less passive and more active approach to creating a happier and more positive relationship and working future for him or herself. You are not one of those people ho can take a back seat driver, always being the spectator approach to either of these two important aspects of your life as a whole.

Will things on both fronts get better for you within the next six months thought to be covered by this reading?

ONLY if there is LESS catastrophising from you which in turn fuels your depression, and a FAR MORE ACTIVE AND CONSISTENT APPROACH to you working through these issues one step at a time in a MORE LOGICAL and LESS EMOTIONAL manner. You will need both your logic and emotions to be able to successfully overcome these challenges, but shift the balance more towards logic.

Al the very best,

EoT  :smt023

[samsr]

thank you for your insight. i agree with you... in theory. but sometimes life has a special way to pull you down when all you want and need is to move up and foward. it really is a personal catastrophe and it feels horrible, specially at this age. even though i´m a very rational and logical person unfortunately there is always those aspects of life we just can´t control.
you seem very  gifted and you really have a special way to communicate. and when you said i had more reasons to quit my job, you were absolutely right. thanks for your help.

[eye_of_tiger]

thank you for your insight. i agree with you... in theory. but sometimes life has a special way to pull you down when all you want and need is to move up and foward. it really is a personal catastrophe and it feels horrible, specially at this age. even though i´m a very rational and logical person unfortunately there is always those aspects of life we just can´t control.
you seem very  gifted and you really have a special way to communicate. and when you said i had more reasons to quit my job, you were absolutely right. thanks for your help.

Samsr,

You are very welcome for the reading, and thanking you in return for your honest feedback.

I am painfully aware that there is often a big difference in our lives between what we think should happen in theory, and what actually happens in reality.

Also there is frequently a grand canyon between what is logical, and what is emotionally acceptable to us as being right or fair.

sometimes life has a special way to pull you down when all you want and need is to move up and forward.

In the above quote of yours I would tend to replace the word sometimes with all too often.

But most of the pulling down is not being done by life itself. Many of us have as much a fear of success, as we have a fear of failure.

What your reading was saying is that a large proportion of the pulling down is in reality being done by your own fears of failure, as well as your equal fear of too much success for your own good.

Try to identify what you most fear is likely to happen if you did not get the job you wanted or your did not meet your true love within the next six months.

Remain as positive as it is humanly possible to be, but simultaneously have a plan B, C and perhaps D handy, just in case things do go pear shaped.

Could it be that your main fear is that beyond the obvious ones that people will continue to reject you both for a job or relationship, because at the core there is something horribly wrong with you, or that destiny has decreed that it will always be like this.

I do understand your 33 years old feeling that you will be left permanently on a shelf by life issue, and have personally suffered with low self confidence, chronic depression and anxiety for most of my 61 years, this time around. Plus one complete stress breakdown with a full teaching load.

While I am not you (stating the obvious), I feel that I do have some relevant knowledge and understanding of what you are probably going through at this particular stage in your life's journey, with specific reference to feeling as though life and the whole world and all the people living in it are 100% against you.

Take good care of yourself my friend,

EoT  :smt038