Reading Request

[Linz820709]

Hi There!. I am new here and in desperate need of a reading. If anybody would be able to do one for me, I would GREATLY appreciate it!. Just a little bit of background, I have called psychics, done email readings, been to tarot readers and had my spirit guide come to me in the past. I have not done any of these or had my spirit guide visit me (as far as I know) in a couple years though. Here is my situation:

About 3 years ago, I met my current boyfriend. We were just friends at first but a year after we met, we decided to "get together". At first everything was great and I couldn't ask to have a better relationship!. We would never argue, we would always love spending time together....our relationship was great!. Then I guess the comfortable stage set in and our "honeymoon stage" ended. We began to argue more and more and now we argue almost every day. I still want to spend time with him, but he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. Our lives consist of him going to work in the morning and me taking care of the kids (we each have children from previous relationships), him coming home from work and going right to his computer, eating dinner, him going right back to his computer after dinner, me going to work at night, me coming home from work, talking for a few minutes and then me going to bed. The only change in that is sometimes instead of talking for a few minutes after I get home from work, we argue either before I go into work or after I come home. We have gotten very distant from each other and have even had numerous talks about ending our relationship.....but according to him, he still loves me and still wants to be with me and I still love him and still want to be with him, so we haven't ended things yet....BUT both of us have said, we want the beginning of our relationship back when everything was so wonderful. We even had a BIG falling out in November. After we both cooled down a bit he told me something that surprised me. He told me that he was planning on proposing to me the weekend of my birthday (next month).....but after this argument he said he changed his mind and he was going to be postponing it until our relationship got better. It crushed me because I would love nothing more but to marry him even despite our rocky relationship, but I knew he was right. Thins got better for a while but then we were right back to fighting daily. This past weekend, we had a couple bad arguments and are still fighting about them today. Even though we are both so mad at each other, we talked for a little bit this morning and it seems that he still wants to be with me and I do still want to be with him and make this work.....i'm just wondering if we can... So here is my question:

What is in store for us in terms of our relationship?

My name: Lindsay (06/29/1982)

His name: Jake (01/11/1980)

Thank you so much in advance for a reading!. I really appreciate it!.

[Linz820709]

Nevermind....just got off the phone with him and he made the call....we are now broken up :( :(

[suzisco]

Hi Linz, I just wanted to say I read your request and subsequent post and I am so sorry for your heartbreak. I feel an underlying relief from you as well however and a slight anticipation about the future. Almost like your pleased that at least you can make the break from him and move on. You have big things still to happen for you. I caution to take care of your health and make sure that you take a multi vitamin and go Easy on the doughnuts. I wish you well and hope that your period of mourning your loss is quick and as painless as can be under the circumstances. Xxxx

Suzi

[eye_of_tiger]

Hi Lindsay,

Could I please add my own sincere condolences to Suzi's?

I was very sad to hear that it has come to this.

I actually saw your request yesterday, but was trying to work out how I could gently remind you that we are not allowed to attempt to predict the future through our readings. Especially when in order to satisfactorily answer your question a third party reading would have been necessary (also not allowed).

The news that you have just got off the phone to him and have now broken up again does not in any way change my feeling that your relationship still has a pulse. I know that the usual advice to people in your situation is that you should learn to accept the inevitable, but my impression on reading your request was that the permanent breakdown of your relationship with Jake is not meant to happen, and that this is far from being inevitable or over.

I would not wish to unintentionally create false hope in you about this and by so doing  add to your existing pain, but my feeling is that you are one of those couples who would get on better for longer if you did not live together under the same roof all of the time, but remain living within a manageable distance from each other some of the time. And your situation is complicated further by you both having children from previous relationships. What ages are they, and how many?

Financially and legally there are advantages to you living together all of the time and getting married, but the benefits of either or both of these decisions which only you can make may be outweighed by the high level of conflict and unhappiness which appears to happen every time you get too close to each other, for too long at a time. You would be a temporarily separated couple, but still a couple and each other's best friend. And good parents to your children.

Contrary to popular belief this high level of tension between you is I feel not a sign that you could not make this relationship eventually work reasonably well, if you are both willing to compromise and feel that your love for each other is strong enough to last the distance with these alternative living arrangements. In contrast to the idea that soul mates are 100% compatible with each other and never disagree or fight, the reality is often the exact opposite.

Soul mates frequently encounter each other repeatedly over several consecutive lifetimes precisely because they still have outstanding issues which need to be worked out. Working these issues out often involves exactly what you are experiencing with Jake first saying that he wants to be with you, then does not want to be with or see you ever again.

I cannot read his mind, but from what I get about him indirectly through you I feel that his desire to be with you and if you both want to get married is still very much alive. But he does not want to live with you every day, and he does not want to be constantly pressured into seeing you every day or the relationship is over.

This is far from being the ideal situation or romantic dream of you living together happily ever after, but I would encourage you not to give up prematurely on the idea that once Jake feels that the pressure is off him to be the typical husband, that he will want to be your lover and possibly husband as well.

Unlike Suzi I do not feel that there is any underlying relief or comfort in you losing the man with whom you share a close karmic bond of love but also of you both needing to learn that love by itself is never enough, in the school of hard knocks.

Still take the multivitamins, take better care of your health, go easy on the doughnuts, but I do not think that this is a time to be mourning anything, other than perhaps you giving up the romantic expectations that you will live continually together as all couples do, and that whether or not you live under the same roof there will always be some fireworks involved in you learning to deal with the outstanding emotional and other various issues which will keep you coming back together until you can ultimately make your peace and not blame yourself for things which were never under your control to change in the first place.

Your relationship is only I feel temporarily suspended at the moment. Use any time apart from him to practise greater self love instead of mourning or grieving for something and someone which your reading does not believe you have lost forever.

The true test of whether there is still a future for you as a separated but amicable couple of lovers and best friends could possibly happen before this coming Xmas has arrived, as readings given on this forum are thought to only apply to a period of the next six months after your request was made.

Not only do I not see you living continuously together in the same house, but this could be a relationship where you will need to take a rest break or time out from each other now and then to preserve the peace over the longer term, and to allow you to focus on the rest of your life (work, education, health, better understanding who you really are, and why you deserve to be loved and valued as much as any other woman does).  

Pressuring him prematurely to come back to the negotiation table and agree to giving your relationship another fair trial but possibly in a different form before he is ready to, can only be expected to have the complete opposite effect from the one that you want. I sincerely hope for both your sakes that this changed arrangement will be to your mutual satisfaction, and that it will work out better for you in the long run when compared to the present high pressure stalemate.

It is definitely from this reading still worth trying to save your relationship with Jake. It is just that it might not turn out to be your dream or fantasy relationship. If there is anything for you to mourn here, it is likely to be your romantic fantasies about how your relationship should or must function.

If things do not work out (no indication one way or the other), then at least you do not have to live a life full of regrets in not having had the faith and the courage to find out for sure if it could have worked, if you had held on a little longer. Nothing ventured, nothing gained? Try it for the children.

Loving regards,

EoT

[Linz820709]

Thank you so much Suzisco and EoT for your replies!. After reading them, it is amazing how accurate you both are!. First, about my health, I completely agree that I need to take better care of it. I eat horribly and it's SO interesting that you both said "easy on the doughnuts". I haven't ate doughnuts in a little while, but I used to work at a very popular coffee and doughnut shop a few months ago and would eat doughnuts nightly. I completely agree though....the way I eat is not healthy at all and it has to be changed.

Now, about my boyfriend and I. He called me a little while after "breaking up" with me to see how I was doing and I was literally in hysterics. I couldn't stop crying and he asked if I wanted him to take it back but I said "no because you made the decision because you feel it is best" and he said "all I want is the fighting to stop" and I agree completely. The amount that we fight is not a healthy relationship. Later on, I calmed down a lot and I called him and asked him if we could talk when he got home and he agreed. We talked for a good while about what our problems are. We both agreed that the both of us were at fault for the fighting and it wasn't just on one of us. We agreed to fix our problems and give "us" another shot. Since then, we have been doing fine. I know it's only been a couple hours but I am being honest when I say that I am going to fix the issues I have and I have all the trust in the world that Jake will fix his as well. I wand to eventually be his wife....I want to spend the rest of my life with him....he is so important to me and the thought of losing him is too much to handle. I am most def going to put our relationship over our silly arguments because what we argue about isn't worth losing him.

Thank you so much again though for your replies and your support!. I really appreciate it and I will def keep you updated on us!

[eye_of_tiger]

Lindsay,

I could not be more pleased to hear that you are really talking again with each other, instead of at each other.

There is a definite feeling that both of you are now more willing to compromise, and to get some of the things which you argue about in their proper perspective as not being worth losing each other over.

You will I feel still need some rest breaks from each other now and then to blow off extra steam, but it might not be necessary for this to happen under two different roofs.

My own parents were rather like you throughout their 40 years of marriage in that they needed time out but they still needed each other, so when it all got too much my father went out into his workshop which was not that far from our back door and occupied himself repairing things for other people.

But at the same time my mother was comforted by knowing that he was still near if she needed him, and that eventually he would come back into the house and talk to her again once things had calmed down.

Does Jake have his computer in his own study area?

To many men their study or workshop can be their castle.

A safe place to retreat to when it is better for the relationship that the couple is temporarily apart. It is important for men like him to have a room or partitioned off area which he can call his own personal territory.

It certainly beats throwing things at and attacking each other when emotions run high.

It also does wonders for a child's sense of security and teaches them by example that although there will always be conflicts and disagreements, two people who love each other enough can usually find other ways to resolve their differences than physical or psychological abuse.

Plus it teaches them that their parents are only  human and consequently are far from being perfect, so they similarly are not expected to be perfect or never make mistakes. You can serve as good role models to them.

Wishing you both a long and relatively happy life together,

EoT  :smt057