Friendships

[druggedoncolor]

So. I hate explaining this to anyone because its something I've suppressed most of my life and I am trying to improve myself in many areas.. going through a bit of transformation.

I really really need solid advice about how to create a solid circle of friends.

I've never had a best friend that lasted more than 2 years. All the people who i considered my best friend have moved, betrayed me, back stabbed me, lied to me, all and everything you can think of I probably experienced.

In middle school I was teased for being single which hurt me for most of my high school life and college as the person said to me, "You would never get a man". And I had from then on determined to prove them wrong... almost 8 years later and I am still single and never been in a relationship.
Because of this...

In beginning of high school I was 'cyber bullied' by a now ex-friend because I thought she would stick up for me after something I mistakenly said about someone and their writing. At the time it was stupid drama because liking someone's art is definitely subjective, but as I preteen I didn't know any better and so drama ensued. She called me a faggot over AIM which brought my self confidence down to the lowest I have ever experienced. Being slightly overweight and not very attractive (IMHO) going to school at a preppy high school it took a damn well long time for my self-confidence to come back and only until two years ago did it fully come back and is *STILL* coming back and growing....

Those are just two instances that have affected my adult life.

Now in college I spent most of my time focused on my career because of past events I didn't want to deal with anyone. I joined a sorority because I was hoping to create some-kind of friendship circle but that turned out to be a bit of a false dream as well... not really what I expected as well...


I have made some friends in college but I have to do 90% of the work. 90% of the texting, of the initiating, of the planning, of the socializing... and its quite exhausting. For once I want someone to give me a surprise birthday party... or to take me out to the bar, or to just want to hang out with me.

I'm not too interested in drinking at house parties, but I will go to one once in awhile. I enjoy the company of others and enjoy having a good time.

I just want the same things as everyone else wants and expects in a health social life.


Still kind of embarrassed to admit to any of this for any counseling or therapy as I view internal things as well, as something one needs to overcome by themselves without the help of external things.

[akido]

I giving you a hug, and I hope you'll find friends who will truly care for you. I am no expert in making good relationships, but I'll share this anyways. I have a best friend who lives far like miles and oceans away, but I really made an effort to still keep our bonds together since I know that it's rare to find someone that I'm perfectly compatible with. I can be myself to that person and otherwise. Our friendship was strengthen by experience and by not letting that connection go. Keep on  making friends and I hope soon you'll find a friend that you'll be truly comfortable with.

[agata]

Firstly, I'm giving you a hug

I have made some friends in college but I have to do 90% of the work. 90% of the texting, of the initiating, of the planning, of the socializing... and its quite exhausting. For once I want someone to give me a surprise birthday party... or to take me out to the bar, or to just want to hang out with me.

I would advise you to stop counting who wrote first and how many times. Let just things happen. If you feel like going somewhere, call others and organize something. It's not always balanced and some poeple need to be encouraged to do something together. It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like you, or that you are not welcome. And suprise birthday parties happen rather in the movies At least I haven't been a part of any yet. ;) Things are not ideal, it's good to take it easy I guess. And also remember that people come and go...We need to be open for friendships and remember that things are rarely perfect.

Still kind of embarrassed to admit to any of this for any counseling or therapy as I view internal things as well, as something one needs to overcome by themselves without the help of external things.

Any help is good if it makes you happier. You can use all avaliable tactics to bring joy to your life!

[acertainseason]

Hugs.

It does feel good to be the one who is sought out in a friendship, to make us feel worth the time.

But firstly, I would stop focusing on other people giving you that attention and perhaps retreat to a solid base of self-love. As previous poster suggested, don't rely on the instances of who contacts who first. If you feel a connection to someone, it shouldn't matter if they contact you first or not. Call them! Tell them, either with words or actions, that they are an important part of your life or that you would like to know them better! Give the friendship you want without expectation of reciprocation. Eventually, you will be surrounded by the right people who are drawn to your love and acceptance of them that you will forget all about the struggles that got you there.

Kudos to you, for example, for joining the sorrority and finding out firsthand that it just wasn't for you. You did the footwork and there are no lingering "what ifs." You took charge of your social destiny and that is all anyone can ask of themselves in this situation! Keep up the efforts. <3

Modern relationships are very complicated, often surface-level and fragile. Anyone who does not make it through a couple of years of your life was just simply not meant to be there any longer. I believe people come into our lives (and stay or go) for a reason. If there are people who you still think of often, contact them first and see what they are up to and if they'd like to get coffee or dinner to catch up sometime.

Stay true to yourself and the right people will fill in the blanks.

Wishing you well!

[stephybabes92]

It does feel good to be the one who is sought out in a friendship, to make us feel worth the time.

But firstly, I would stop focusing on other people giving you that attention and perhaps retreat to a solid base of self-love. at got you there.


Modern relationships are very complicated, often surface-level and fragile. Anyone who does not make it through a couple of years of your life was just simply not meant to be there any longer.

Stay true to yourself and the right people will fill in the blanks.

I second these sentences xxxx

[venusian]

I agree completely. &nbsp;I am going through a similar problem right now, and albeit am struggling to find self-love, &nbsp;know that it is the first step to conquer the issue at hand. &nbsp;To the original poster: &nbsp;Don't focus on those who have have not been there for you. &nbsp;Perhaps this is a lesson in becoming more independent. &nbsp;Try to have fun doing things alone -reading, &nbsp;traveling, etc. &nbsp;Eventually, you will find like-minded people who are attracted to your strength and independence. &nbsp;Perhaps you were not meant to be apart of a larger group- because you were meant to be a leader that sets examples for others[Think about it].

I noticed that we are around the same age. &nbsp;If it makes you feel any better, generally speaking- people in our age group are just not that reliable (I'm not trying to stereotype, just speaking from experience). &nbsp;My closest friends these past few years have been much older and have grown beyond the pettiness of backstabbing, name calling, and other consciously derogatory actions towards others. They have also grown out of bar-hopping and partying. &nbsp;

Hugs, &nbsp;take care, & don't let things get to you. &nbsp;They WILL pass.

[srivijai]

Friendship doesn't require age limit, male or female, caste, nation etc

[symulhaque]

It feels really very good when someone hugs you with love. Isn't? Make a hug with me..