Need a BIG hug

agata · Post by **agata** » Fri Sep 11, 2009 9:05 pm

Guys I need a hug. Today after one year of being with me my boyfriend  said that he doesn't know if he still wants to be with me that he doesn't know if I'm the right person. We're still together and he promised to try to be with me and I promised that I will try to be better even though he said that it's not because of who I am. I don't want to loose him :( I love him so much. :(

suzisco · Post by **suzisco** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 4:54 am

(((HUGS)))

That is such a sad story, hang in there, the course of true love is aften fraught with difficulties

Suzi

CMyst77 · Post by **CMyst77** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:59 am

I tend to agree with Suzi...  Sometimes life throws some pretty fast curveballs, and you've just got to close your eyes and swing!  LOL  Maybe he's having issues at work that has made him feel like he can't be as supportive as he'd like to be for you...  This (in my experience) is a major issue for men!  :(  However...  I feel the need to point out that you shouldn't have to 'be better' for him...  if he loves you, he'll love you no matter how you are...  

My own sad story is as follows:

After 9 years of being together, 4 years being attached to eachother's hip, 5 years of marriage, 3 beautiful kids...  My husband tells me that he's not in love with me anymore...  That he wants a divorce...  And I find out that he's sleeping with the neighbor!!  And she was leaving her husband to be with mine!  :(   I fought for 6 months trying to be the woman he wanted...  I lost weight, became the super-mom clean freak that he had been complaigning I wasn't...  My house is emaculate, my children are well cared for and SO Smart!!  and somehow, during the course of it all, I found my self-worth again...  And finally told him that I wanted a divorce!  And now he's sniveling about how he "Never wanted any of this!" He was "just waiting for [me] to change so [he] could come home"!!  My comment?  If I wasn't good enough for him when I was a few extra pounds and throwing myself at him, then why was I suddenly so irresistable now that he couldn't have me?!  

The point is...  You have to be who you ARE...  If you try to be someone or something else, then you're not being true to yourself...  And that will inevitably be more devistating in the long run that losing someone you love right now...  None of us are meant to spend this life alone...  Our true matches are out there...  We just have to keep our hearts open to receive their love once we find them...  :)

Hang in there, Girl!  I'm sure things will turn out just how they were meant to...  It might not be something you understand right now, but eventually...  it all comes together!

Sincerely,
Cory

taraprincess · Post by **taraprincess** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:54 pm

sweetie here is a huge hug...much love and huggies

agata · Post by **agata** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 12:10 pm

Thank you very much for all your replies

CMyst77, you're right I can't pretend that I'm somebody else. I just think that maybe if he said that he doesn't like something about me, it would be easier for me because I would have a chance to do something about this whole situation. I feel helpless because all this happens in his head and I can't enter it and sort things out. I can only wait and I'm afraid that he may again tell me that he thought it over and he really can't be with me.
I hope that we are meant to be together.

Thanks again, I'll try to live normally and not to worry but I don't know if it's possible ;)

CMyst77 · Post by **CMyst77** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 5:09 pm

The most important thing to do in any situation is to simply stay possitive!!  The more you fret and worry about things that you can't control, the more you invite negativity to invade into your life!!  Trust me, I know!!  And it has taken me a long time to get things back to normal!!  LOL

I always took to God's Serenity Prayer when I was at my lowest and it helped me to focus my energies on what REALLY mattered!  "God grand me the Serenity to Acccept the things I Can Not Change, the Courage to Change the things I Can, and the Wisdom to Know the Difference."  Although simple in nature, I used it sort of as a mantra while I meditated and it always brought clarity and peace of heart...  :)

I'm glad that you recognize that you cannot be someone else...  I was so worried about your situation when I read that in your post!  That was what prompted me to respond...  But saddly...  You wouldn't feel better if it was something about you that he didn't like...  It would make you crazy trying to 'fix' whatever it was that he was unhappy with, and you would begin to resent YOURSELF for all of this because it suddenly became 'your fault'...

Personally, I think that he is having some sort of inner struggle...  Something that he is unhappy with himself about...  And unfortunately, there is not a whole lot you can do about that...  This is something that you cannot change...  :(  But you can continue to be there for him, showing him understanding and empathy for whatever it is he's going thru...  My advice, tho?  Try not to push yourself onto him...  Offer him some space and time...  I KNOW that is hard!!  But sometimes, it only works to push him further away, when what you truely want is for him to come to you...  Sometimes, Doing NOTHING is better than doing SOMETHING...

I hope this has helped to ease your heart...  I truely wish you all the peace and happiness in the world!

Sincerely,
Cory

PS  Thanks for the Hug Taraprincess!!

agata · Post by **agata** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:19 pm

CMyst77 wrote: Personally, I think that he is having some sort of inner struggle... Something that he is unhappy with himself about... And unfortunately, there is not a whole lot you can do about that... This is something that you cannot change... :(

I know. And now I feel as if I'm waiting for his verdict :( He said that we're still together but I'm afraid that one day he will say that he decided that i'm not his beloved :(

But you can continue to be there for him, showing him understanding and empathy for whatever it is he's going thru...

I've been doing this all the time and I know that he appreciates it but it doesn't make him love me :( He thinks that I'm a good and sensitive person but I know that it doesn't change anything. I think that he doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he waits for a big advanture in his life and I'm not the part of this adventure :(

My advice, tho? Try not to push yourself onto him... Offer him some space and time... I KNOW that is hard!! But sometimes, it only works to push him further away, when what you truely want is for him to come to you... Sometimes, Doing NOTHING is better than doing SOMETHING...

I've been doing nothing. I saw some signs which suggested that he may not be that into me and I just ignored them because I wanted to believe that everything is okay. I waited and I did nothing because I thought that maybe he needs some time to become involved but it turned out that he just STOPPED to be involved. That's why I feel helpless.

I truely wish you all the peace and happiness in the world!

Thank you very very very very much  :)

surinder · Post by **surinder** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 5:53 am

a huge hug    and love for you

Cascade of Light · Post by **Cascade of Light** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 3:17 pm

Sending you a big Monday hug xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

nobleone · Post by **nobleone** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 10:15 pm

thank you all for the place to come to read comments from many others that we can use many hugs

this seems to be a place to encourage one another and I do appreciate that we can do this online

so from me..  a big hug to anyone who needs one..

thanks..
Patricia

clemonte · Post by **clemonte** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:44 pm

When it comes to love and relationship, I feel no amount sound analysis will suit the result an individual expected. So i'll just say stay positive no matter what and continue learning our life-long learning!

Hugs and love
Clement

nobleone · Post by **nobleone** » Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:40 am

sounds like a great idea.  Just let go of things, and move on.  keep in contact with friends online and in person. get and give lots of hugs.
encourage others.

Ianna Leane · Post by **Ianna Leane** » Sat Oct 03, 2009 8:45 am

I so feel your pain.  I wish that I could say something optomistic, but I am still mending a broken heart myself.  I can tell you, though, that it is very VERY important that you talk about it.  Trying to internalize it can be damning to yourself.  If you ever need to just chat about things, you are more than welcomed to pm me.  Love and Light.

Isabel · Post by **Isabel** » Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:57 pm

Agata,
Relationships are complicated right? I dont know if this is your first love, but those are specially painful, you dont know if its gonna get better, I remember my heart hurting so much I thought it would split it two (that moment I fully understood the expreassion broken heart!) . The ones that come after are just as painful, but since you've already been through it you know with time it heals.
Give it time, your boyfriend could need to clear his mind a bit, and if afterall he feels he doesnt want to be with you, would you want to be with someone who doenst want you back? You, and every human, simply deserve better!
However I understand the process is slow and it hurts and fgrankly it just sucks, but I send you a big hug and hope you start feeling better soon!

nobleone · Post by **nobleone** » Sun Oct 04, 2009 10:22 pm

Maybe letting go of troubles and pain, can take time.
With lots of support from your friends, and lots of hugs and encouragement we all can benefit.
I know that having friends to talk to, and share with, is very important and all the hugs we can give is a wonderful help.
.. here's passing on hugs to all those who need one, as they read this message

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