Well its been a looong while since I've been in a relationship. Actually more than a year and my last was my first relationship. Soo my boyfriend calls and, me being a Scorpio, took my call to a private location. Seeing that i dont gross my siblings or parents out, i go take my call in my car. Noticing that my family is freaking out that im not inside the house i asked my boyfriend to text or call me later, and i go inside to my frantic mother. I know i cant blame her for worrying and being mad, because it was my fault but I'm older now and she KNOWS I'm not dumb or rebellious as so my brothers.
But it just pisses me off that she NEEDS to where the where, when, how, and why to every aspect of my personal actions.
She's a Virgo and I'm not sure if there's a good compatitbility to us. I know she's my mother and all but i feel as if she doesn't know who EXACTLY i am or fully trust me to be strong for my own and on my own. She keeps talking how its great for a "lady to know how to fight and defend herself when she's alone or in a dangerous situation." So i already knew or suspected that there's a dark hidden secret in my mother's past so, I'm softer.
But no matter what i do or decide i feel as if it's not enough or ever enough for her.
(At this point I'm crying in my post )
I don't know whether its late mood swings from my menstral cycle or just Teenage Weirdness, but its how I feel and whenever i try to talk with my mom she's either resting or too busy or just doesnt want to.
I need a hug and I dont know what to do next.
:( :( :( :(
why? do i really need this right now??
Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123
-
Rhutobello
- Posts: 10724
- Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:39 pm
A big Grandpa hug to you.
Yea...the teens can be a hard time.....we are in the age where we think we are adult, and our Parents still watch us as kids, and have an urge to protect us.
Most of us have been in the same situation as you describe, and if your mother had shown little interest in what you did, then that would have put you off too, as the belief that she did not love or care for you.
It is the "golden Middle way" that is so difficult to hit for many of us, because we might have two different agendas.
She want to protect....you want to explore.
I agree that it sounds like she has had some bad experiences in her childhood, that she want to protect you against, and in a way shall you be glad for that....you need one that can lead you pass all traps that these ages bring.
It was a bit sad to hear that she had little time for talk, because I think you both need to establish rules.
You must be willing to adjust to many of the thing she says, but she also have to give you more freedom so you can grow and build your "self confidence" and the ability to evaluate what you will do and not do.
Much depend on how you have acted up to now, if you have been trustworthy then it should go fairly easy, if you have let them down you might have a bit harder time to convince them about more freedom.
So I would be careful to use statement like "it piss me off", because then you only look at your situation from your side...you don't try to understand....you put up fights...and that reaction give problems back, because they have no reason to give in...they pay for the flat..they pay for your cloth..they pay for your food...they have even given you your birth!.
So you have to cooperate, and the more you cooperate the more will they trust you, and the more of your will can be allowed.....but it is you who must show initiative....it is you who must suppress the harsh words....it is you who must understand that it is done from love and protection....not from hate.
As a side thing can I tell.....
My wife and my eldest daughter was as cat and dog until my daughter passed the teens, after that they have been the best friends.....and today they still see each other more as friends then mother and daughter......but in order to acheive such thing it takes 2
Yea...the teens can be a hard time.....we are in the age where we think we are adult, and our Parents still watch us as kids, and have an urge to protect us.
Most of us have been in the same situation as you describe, and if your mother had shown little interest in what you did, then that would have put you off too, as the belief that she did not love or care for you.
It is the "golden Middle way" that is so difficult to hit for many of us, because we might have two different agendas.
She want to protect....you want to explore.
I agree that it sounds like she has had some bad experiences in her childhood, that she want to protect you against, and in a way shall you be glad for that....you need one that can lead you pass all traps that these ages bring.
It was a bit sad to hear that she had little time for talk, because I think you both need to establish rules.
You must be willing to adjust to many of the thing she says, but she also have to give you more freedom so you can grow and build your "self confidence" and the ability to evaluate what you will do and not do.
Much depend on how you have acted up to now, if you have been trustworthy then it should go fairly easy, if you have let them down you might have a bit harder time to convince them about more freedom.
So I would be careful to use statement like "it piss me off", because then you only look at your situation from your side...you don't try to understand....you put up fights...and that reaction give problems back, because they have no reason to give in...they pay for the flat..they pay for your cloth..they pay for your food...they have even given you your birth!.
So you have to cooperate, and the more you cooperate the more will they trust you, and the more of your will can be allowed.....but it is you who must show initiative....it is you who must suppress the harsh words....it is you who must understand that it is done from love and protection....not from hate.
As a side thing can I tell.....
My wife and my eldest daughter was as cat and dog until my daughter passed the teens, after that they have been the best friends.....and today they still see each other more as friends then mother and daughter......but in order to acheive such thing it takes 2
-
Cascade of Light
- Posts: 987
- Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 6:36 pm
- Location: inwardly reflecting
- Contact:
Hiyas,
As a mum that survived having two teenagers I so sympathise with you. I know how easy it is to be tired and appear not caring or even to appear too caring, just can't win lol.
Stay true to yourself, you sound like you have a good solid head on your shoulders, so use, it but both ways as Rhuto says.
sending you a big hug xxxxx
As a mum that survived having two teenagers I so sympathise with you. I know how easy it is to be tired and appear not caring or even to appear too caring, just can't win lol.
Stay true to yourself, you sound like you have a good solid head on your shoulders, so use, it but both ways as Rhuto says.
sending you a big hug xxxxx
A cascade of light shone down on me, then the angels spoke, and set me free,
Cas x
Cas x
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests