Relationship reading pretty please??

[Fasstmovin]

I'm a newbie here, I believe I've stumbled across this site at a very appropriate time In My life.

I've been in a relationship with a man named J. He is a great man and everything was going great up until a few weeks ago. I know he has some things on his mind as do I regarding him. Our communication has not been the best lately.  I would like to know what is going on in our relationship. I'm extremely confused right now and ANY guidance you could possibly give me, I'd be incredibly greatful for.

Thank u do very much
Christy
Birthday 9/19/1980

[eye_of_tiger]

Welcome Christy,

For reasons of privacy and security I have removed both his name as well as your family name from your request, as personally identifying information such as this as well as your email address and exact location must never be posted on these forums. You are not in any trouble, and there is therefore no need to aapologise.

Because Thursdays are my weekly day off from giving readings, I currently intend to give you your reading on Friday morning (South Australian time.).

Please leave this with me and try not to worry too much about this, as I feel that it is not only affecting your peace of mind, but could also potentially be negatively affecting your health, if you go on too much longer like this.

This will be your reading, and not J's.

CU soon.

Loving regards,

EoT  :smt002

[Fasstmovin]

Thank you so incredibly much. You are correct, I can not stop thinking about it. Everything is unsettled and very much up in the air. I will do my best to not let it drive me crazy. I very much look forward to hearing from you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

[eye_of_tiger]

12. Please do not request readings for other people (including family members) or third party readings as this is strictly against Mystic Board’s policies.

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=73424

Dear Christy,

Because any attempt to directly read J's thoughts and intentions towards both you as well as towards the future of your relationship would qualify as a third party reading, I will have to try my best to answer your question indirectly through you and the relationship itself. This is why I emphasised in my initial response that this is your reading and not his. While this does partially get around the third party restriction, I must at the same time make you aware that any insights about what could possibly be going on within this relationship coming out of the following reading will unfortunately be less reliable than if the third party route had been open to me. Finally, these readings are only thought to apply to a period of approximately six months after your request was made, which effectively means that anything happening to your relationship beyond that six months would not be expected to show up at all in this reading. You would then need another reading to be given once the six months had expired, of course assuming that the relationship had survived until then.

The reading tells me that there are three main factors currently operating within your relationship with this man which have a major potential to seriously reduce the chances of it lasting the distance.There are also a large number of other more minor factors (known and still unknown) which are working against the relationship being a relatively smooth and happy one and seeing this year out, but I see no useful purpose in overloading you with so many negative factors that you might as a result prematurely give up on there being any reasonable hope for a solution to the relationship temporarily stalling.

You are clearly NOT yet to the point that the relationship is unrecoverable or where the situation is hopeless, and I therefore see the main task of this reading and reader to be one of giving you the tools which you will undoubtedly need in order to significantly improve the chances of you still being together as a couple by the beginning of 2015. What you decide to do or not to do with these tools which the reading offers you, is then basically up to you.

FACTOR NUMBER ONE - there has been a significant loss of trust here which is either one or two sided. Why you have lost trust in him to do what he says that he will do, or why he has similarly lost trust in you is outside the scope of this reading. It may even possibly stem back to events which happened before the two of you first met. But I feel safe in suggesting that one or both of you have had your trust betrayed in the past with another partner or a series of former partners, which has left your ability to trust anyone else in the future damaged to say the least. Once for whatever reason trust has been lost between you, it can take considerable time and effort to restore it to its previous level.

It can be bad enough if the loss of trust is only in one direction (you do not trust him or he does not trust you), but if the loss of trust becomes mutual or two sided, then you are going to have a very difficult and long task ahead of you, if the relationship is going to be saved. When there is a mutual loss of trust the time and effort which is needed to be able to save the relationship (or at least begin the healing process) might be longer and more than either of you are able or willing to give. Mutual trust has not been lost just yet in this relationship, and if I were you I would do everything which is reasonable and humanly possible to prevent this from happening, unless are a masochist and you enjoy pain and heartache.

FACTOR NUMBER TWO - Communication breakdown! If you no longer trust what the other person says is the truth, then why bother continuing to express your fears and doubts to them by talking to each other? How can you trust them to listen to you, and if they cannot be trusted how do you know they would not use what you had told them against you? So factor two is actually one almost inevitable symptom of factor one having gone on for too long. When trust is lost the fuse of the relationship bomb has been ignited or lit.

When communication breaks down and stays broken down for more than a month or so, the fuse is already over 50% burnt. Unlike trust communication is always two sided (more listening than talking), so healing a semi permanent communication breakdown requires mutual and intense effort a d co-operation and a degree of compromise which most of us find next to impossible without some outside professional intervention and assistance. Time for the relationship counsellor, but if you are already not talking to each other, what is the chance of you both attending a joint counselling session to discuss your differences? Not particularly good in my opinion.

Also did you know that well over 75% of human communication is non verbal? Or less than 25% of communication is in the form of the spoken or written word. A much larger part of communication of our feelings to others is in what we do, as well as in our facial expression and other body language. So if either of you is saying one thing but doing the opposite or looking guilty even when you are really innocent, then no wonder both loss of trust and a much more serious and longer lasting communication breakdown is on the cards and well on the way to ending the relationship, barring a miracle.

FACTOR NUMBER THREE - This last factor is called "filling in the empty spaces". Because both trust and communication have broken down you are no longer in a position to get at the truth or get the facts. Our vivid and highly creative imagination then frequently fills in the empty space where the facts and truth should have been, with fantasy. To add to our anxiety and confusion, these fantasies or wild guesses with little or no solid evidence to support them are usually more negative than positive.

In other words we often tend to imagine the worst possible explanation for our observations, or imagine the the worst possible outcome is the only possible outcome. This is called making a mountain out of every molehill, or exaggerating and catastrophising. Always imagining that things are actually much worse than they seem to be. And that things will always turn out badly for you, no matter what you do to try to fix them. If this form of extreme self torture or self punishment is allowed to establish itself, we may even begin to think that anything we do to improve our situation is guaranteed to make it worse, and that it must all be our fault.

The facts of the situation are that both partners must take their fair share of the responsibility (not the blame game) for what happens or does not happen within their relationship. If you feel that you are being unfairly attacked or that all the responsibility for the relationship's problems are being forced upon you, unless you are a human doormat for other people to wipe their feet on or you do not think that you deserve any better treatment from the person, you are going to defend yourself by turning the attack back onto them. Then they will get their revenge by attacking you even more fiercely, and so on the attack and revenge cycle grows and deteriorates into relationship WW3.

The final battle of a war which nobody can win is a mud slinging match where you both tear into each other with hurtful words said in anger and frustration which you could soon live to regret saying, but you cannot easily reverse the damage once it has been done. One the words have left your mouth, it is difficult to impossible to make out that you never said them. Usually when the relationship gets to this high degree of hostility and unwillingness by either party to communicate or compromise any further, the writing is basically on the wall with regards to the relationship having ANY future at all.

The reading evaluates your relationship's current position as being early into the problems of factor two (communication is beginning to break down), but it is also prematurely or far too early well into the problems of factor three  (your negative imagination is jumping the gun or operating at a high level of sensitivity which would normally only be expected much later into the problems of factor two).

Your over-active imagination is filling in so many empty spaces so quickly, caused by the loss of trust and communication breakdown which followed it, that it is making every minor sign that there could possibly be a problem in your relationship an outright declaration of your betrayal and hopelessness and despair for the future, based purely on circumstantial and frequently vague and contradictory evidence.

In oversimplified terms (always easier said than done) to restore trust to your relationship start doing what you say that you are going to do, avoid putting all the responsibility for any problems in the relationship onto J,  re-open the previously closed channels of two way communication, get the facts instead of continuing to allow your negative imagination to control your life by filling in the empty spaces with worst case scenarios.

Be especially careful not to accuse him of anything for which you do not have solid physical evidence, as if he turns out to be innocent you are going to look foolish and you might not just lose him. He could if he wished take you to court and sue you for unwarranted defamation of his character.

There could possibly be some uncomfortable facts about him (everyone is imperfect and makes mistakes) which you correctly guessed, but in the absence of a third party reading I would be extremely shocked if they turned out to be bad enough to mean that this relationship is dead and buried.

Find the best and most sustainable balance for you between remaining vigilant for solid physical evidence of reasons for ending the relationship, and seeing reasons for ending it wherever you imagine that they are. Between allowing love to blind you to the unhappy facts of human fallibility, and your own blind fear and paranoia.

Your success or otherwise in following these included suggestions regularly and in a balanced manner should in turn mainly determine what the future of your still save-able relationship will eventually turn out to be, including during the next six months.

All the very best of life and love to the both of you (whatever happens),

EoT  :smt006  :smt057