Jokes for the day

[prasanna]

Jokes

The Vision...

"Psychics" are big on Queensland's Sunshine Coast, just north of the state capital, Brisbane. Other Australians regard the area as the Deep North, the antipodean equivalent of the USAs Deep South.

A local radio station carried an evening program in which a "psychic" appeared regularly. The usual flummery - calls from listeners (usually younger women) wanting forecasts of their love-lives, jobs, happiness etc., followed by confident replies from the "psychic" together with supportive clucking noises from the credulous anchor entity. Then the "psychic" made a classic blooper:

Caller: "Will I meet someone?"

Psychic: "Yes of course you will, darling. I see you dancing - you dance so well! - and meeting that man and dancing through life together, you know what I mean?"

Caller: "But I'm confined to a wheelchair..."



Worm Experiment

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"



Morning Paper

I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified section, though."

I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!"

She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels."


Aerospace Industry

My job is in the Aerospace Industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain just what kind of work I do.

At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, "Defense Contractor."

The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, "So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link?"