Jokes for the Day (10-11-2008)

[prasanna]

Jokes


Hand In Marriage

A man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."

"Oh, Daddy," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving Mummy."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the man. "You can take her with you!"



Making the Rounds

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.”

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”




Error Messages You Don't Want to See

An error has occurred - could be anything really.

Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred?

Error: An unspecified error has occurred. Please correct the error to continue.

Having been erased, the document you were working on must now be retyped.

Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong .

The website you are looking for cannot be located, but doubtless others exist.

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

Out of memory - it happens to us all eventually.

Illegal error detected - You are not allowed to make this error.

Your computer has performed an illegal operation. The police have been informed.

Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have you a pen handy?

Windows has detected that there is no keyboard present. Hit F1 to continue.

Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working Windows is like that.

Windows loaded - System in danger.

Unable to exit windows. Try the door.

Fatal system error: Press F13 to continue...

Windows has just crashed. You are looking at the blue screen of Death. No one hears your screams.



Bigger Turkey

A woman walks into a butcher's shop just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any turkey?"

The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it onthe weighing scales. It weighs six pounds.

The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you haveone that's a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scales now show eight pounds

"That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please.

[sheryl]

In Honour of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Pick n' Pay's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

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On Clicks Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."


(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

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On a Woolworths Bread Pudding

"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

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On a Clicks hair dryer - Do not use while sleeping.

(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Simba Chips --

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary!
Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

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On a bar of Dove soap -

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(and that would be???....)

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On some Checkers frozen dinners -

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(please note that it's just a suggestion.)

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On the packaging of a Rowenta iron -

"Don't iron clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me time?)

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On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....)

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On some brands of Christmas lights of Eastern origin:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)

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On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."

(Now, somebody out there, please help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

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Instructions on a SA Airways packet of peanuts -
[1] Open packet;
[2] Eat nuts.

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On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(Don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

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On a German chainsaw ..
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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On Woolworth's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom)
"Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

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Blessed are the cracked - for it is they who let in the light

[pirbid]

Oh, dear, once again, reality beats fiction  :smt003