Jokes for the day.

[prasanna]

Jokes

The Tourist

A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized t-shirt and sunglasses.

The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing all the way out here dressed like that!?"

"I'm going swimming," the tourist explained.

"But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab informed him.

"Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"


Tough Speech

It was a full auditorium. Halfway through the author's talk, she began to feel sick. In a calm voice, she announced that she had left a few pages of her speech offstage, in her bag.

She walked off slowly and, as soon as she was out of sight, ran to the bathroom where she immediately threw up.

She was just about finished when someone came into the bath- room to tell her that her lapel mike was still on.


Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground. The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. the second threw his watch and made only tow steps before hearing his watch shatter. The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch." How did you do that?" asked one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow."  



Visiting Australia

These are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a snide sense of humor.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets, especially The Taipans.

[ChiefOren]

Love those Aussies