The Chocolate Ritual
Materials required: On the altar there are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the great big one---as the athame), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet.
CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(Take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)
Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast
No calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me,
And as I will So Mote It BE!
(Take the small bowl of Nestle’s Quik and spoon)
Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.
Let all good things come to me,
And make my milk all chocolatey!
CAST THE CIRCLE (using a tootsie roll):
CALL THE QUARTERS:
Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!
Great prince of the palace of dessert.
Be present, we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all moochers
Approaching from the East.
Fondue of the South, Molten One!
Great prince of the palace of decadence.
Be present we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all diets
Approaching from the south.
Cocoa of the west, Satisfying One!
Great prince of the palace of thirst.
Be present we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all carob
Approaching from the West.
Rocky Road of the North, Cold one!
Great prince of the palace of crunchy.
Be present we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all cheap imitations
Approaching from the North.
MAIN RITUAL:
HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss): Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate, who was of old called Godiva, Ethel M, Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names.
HPS: Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Goodies. In the Mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue. And you shall be free from depression, and as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises, all in my presence. For mine is the ecstasy of phenylalanine (FEEN-EL-AL-A-NEEN), and mine also is Joy on Earth, yea, even into High Orbit, for my law is "Melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you or turn you aside. For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy, padding pounds on your hips. I am the Gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy unto the tummies of men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious, and beyond death........well, I can't do much there. Sorry about that.
I demand only your money in sacrifice; for behold, chocolate is a business, and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat them.
SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and finer stores everywhere.
I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness of big bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside of truffles, and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come unto me. For I am the soul of candy; from me do all confections spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again.....and again..........and again..................and again.
Before my smeared face, beloved of Women and Men, thine innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose. Let my taste be within the mouth that rejoices. For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are my rituals. Therefore, let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and crackling, big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut butter and chocolate covered cherries all within you.
And you who think to seek me, know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery; "We will sell no chocolate until you pay for it."
For behold; I have been with you since you were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the land.
Messed Be!
SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was of old called Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many other names.
HP: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on the floor, but looks like it might not have gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of dark chocolate. No matter how you try to resist the call of chocolate, I will hunt you out and I will become your sacred prey. I am the warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the call of the road that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown.
I give you, my creatures, the fire of love of chocolate, the power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar, and the shelter of Haagen Daz when that big date didn't work out. You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power; the power of a piece of chocolate that you had forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight with which you can spot a candy counter a mile away.
By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun, I charge you; by the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot and the lingering smell of bittersweet chocolate, I charge you; and by the beauty of a perfectly swirled vanilla butter cream, I charge you: Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you. The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy. Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa, and in the last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo. Yet you must be wary of deceit. Eat not of that which is called "Baking Chocolate," for it is vile and bitter.
Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you. Be not greedy, but let yourself be known as a connoisseur. Leave a little for someone else.
I am with you always, just over your shoulder, or around the next corner. I am the Lord of Chocolate, and when you have reached the end of your hoard, I will never be farther away from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner. I am the spirit of the Wild Child; the Inner Child who can never get quite enough.
If you are a true chocolate lover, then your soul and mine are intertwined.
DISMISS QUARTERS:
HPS: Oh, ye mighty goodies of the ______,
We thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle
And ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
We say unto you, "N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best."
ALL: "Chooooc-laaate."
(After all quarters have been dismissed, give a final, satisfying belch at the East.)
Close circle.
copyright August 1993, John L. Shepard. Permission is given to post anywhere as long as the content is not altered and this notice is attached.
The Chocolate Ritual
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JewelOfTheSouth
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Another Version
The Chocolate Ritual
by John L. Shepard
["Copyright 1993, John L. Shepard. Permission is given to repost as long as the contents are unaltered and this notice is attached."]
"Minor additions by S'BAT Chapter made with the author's permission."
THE CHOCOLATE RITUAL
Materials required:
On the altar are:
brown candles,
a Tootsie Roll (the great big one- as the athame),
a large glass with milk in it (the chalice),
a small dish of Hershey's Syrup and a spoon,
a small dish of chocolate sprinkles,
a plate of cupcakes,
some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet,
and small dish of chocolate ice cream.
The Celebrants:
Handmaiden (Henceforth known as Swiss Miss)
High Priestess (Henceforth known as Betty Crocker)
Page (Henceforth known as Pillsbury Dough Boy)
High Priest (Henceforth known as Mr. Goodbar)
Cleanse the Sacred Space
Pillsbury Dough Boy takes the small dish of chocolate sprinkles:
Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast
No calories in thy presence last.
Let no harm adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!
Swiss Miss take the small dish of Hershey's Syrup, spoon and large glass with milk
Hershey's Syrup where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.
Let all good things come unto me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!
Cast The Circle
Betty Crocker using a tootsie roll as athame walks around the circle three times
Mr. Goodbar intones the invocation
In the beginning,
there was the word.
And the word was Chocolate.
And it was good.
Confections: 1.5 oz., 240 cal.
Call the Quarters
Betty Crocker
Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!
Great princess of the palace of dessert!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all moochers
approaching from the East.
Pillsbury Dough Boy
Fondue of the South, Molten one!
Great prince of the palace decadence!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all diets approaching from the South.
Swiss Miss
Cocoa of the West, Satisfying one!
Great princess of the palace of thirst quenchers!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all carob approaching from the West.
Mr. Goodbar
Rocky Road of the North, Cold one!
Great prince of the palace of crunchy comfort food!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all cheap imitations approaching from the North.
MAIN RITUAL
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate, who was of old called:
Godiva, Suzi Q, Little Debbie, Dolly Madison, Fanny Farmer, Sara Lee, and by many other names:
Swiss Miss:
Whenever you have one of those cravings,
once in a while and better it be when your checkbook is full,
then shall you assemble in a great public place
and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me,
who is Queen of all Goodies.
In the mall shall you assemble,
you who have eaten all of your chocolate and are hungry for more.
To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue.
And you shall be free from depression.
And as a sign that you are truly free,
you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks,
and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises all in my presence.
For mine is the ecstasy of theobromine,
and mine is also the joy on earth,
yea, even into high orbit
for my law is "melts in your mouth, not in your hand".
Keep clean your fingers,
carry Wet Ones always,
let none keep you from Me.
For Mine is the secret that opens your mouth,
and Mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips
and comfy padding pounds on your hips.
I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy
onto the tummies of women and men.
Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious,
and beyond death
well, I can't do much there.
Sorry about that.
I demand only your money in sacrifice,
for behold,
chocolate is a business,
and you have to pay for those truffles
before you eat them.
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess,
she in the dust of whose feet are the cheap imitations,
whose body graces candy racks and finer stores everywhere:
Betty Crocker:
I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips,
and the satisfying softness of big bars,
the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles,
and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire,
call unto thy soul to arise and come unto Me.
For I am the soul of candy,
from Me do all confections spring,
and unto Me all of you shall return,
again.... and again... and again.... and again.
Before My smeared face,
beloved of women and men,
thine innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose.
Let My taste be within thy mouth that rejoices.
For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are My rituals.
Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess,
crispness and crackling,
big slabs and bite size pieces,
peanut butter and chocolate covered cherries all within you.
And you who think to seek Me,
know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not
unless you know the Mystery:
"We shall sell no chocolate until you pay for it"
For behold:
I have been with you since you were just a baby,
and I am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the land.
Messed be.
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was of old called:
Milton Snavely Hershey, 3 Muskateers, Fudgesicle, Devil Dog, Mars, Willy Wonka and by many other names:
Mr. Goodbar:
I am the strength of the candy rack,
and the piece that fell on the floor but looks like it may not have
gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of dark chocolate.
No matter how you try to resist the call of chocolate,
I will hunt you out,
and I will become your sacred prey.
I am warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter,
and the call of the road that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown.
I give you My creatures,
the fire of love of chocolate,
the power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar and the shelter of Haagen Dazs when that big date didn't work out.
You are dear to Me,
and I instill in you the power of a piece of chocolate that you had
forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight
with which you can spot a candy counter a mile away.
By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun,
I charge you,
by the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot
and lingering smell of bittersweet chocolate, I charge you,
and by the beauty of a perfectly formed Reese's Peanut Butter Cup,
I charge you.
Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you.
The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy.
Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa,
and in the last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo.
Yet you must be wary of deceit.
Eat not of that which is called "baking chocolate",
for it is vile and bitter.
Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you.
Be not greedy,
but let yourself be known as a connoisseur.
Leave a little for someone else.
I am with you always,
just over your shoulder,
or around the next corner.
I am the Lord of Chocolate,
and when you have reached the end of you hoard,
I will never be further away from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner.
I am the spirit of the wild child,
the inner child who can never get quite enough.
If you are a true chocolate lover,
then your soul and mine are intertwined.
Cupcakes and Yoo-Hoo
Blessing of the Yoo-Hoo
Mr. Goodbar:
Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark chocolate
Betty Crocker:
Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
For both are better than the falsely named "white chocolate"
Swiss Miss:
And neither one is carob
Mr. Goodbar:
As the frosting is to the cupcake
Betty Crocker:
So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way bar
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
And when they are eaten,
they are yummy in truth,
Swiss Miss:
for there is no greater snack in all the world
than one made of chocolate.
blessing of the cupcakes
Mr. Goodbar & Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Frosting is keen
Betty Crocker & Swiss Miss:
And frosting is neat
Mr. Goodbar, Pillsbury Dough Boy, Betty Crocker & Swiss Miss:
Great Goddess! Let's eat!
Feasting and Drinking
Dismiss Quarters
Betty Crocker:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the East,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the South,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Swiss Miss:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the West,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Mr. Goodbar:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the North,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Mr. Goodbar: After all quarters have been dismissed,
give a final satisfying belch at the east
Open Circle
Pillsbury Dough Boy: Go now in perfect love,
perfect trust, and perfect chocolate
by John L. Shepard
["Copyright 1993, John L. Shepard. Permission is given to repost as long as the contents are unaltered and this notice is attached."]
"Minor additions by S'BAT Chapter made with the author's permission."
THE CHOCOLATE RITUAL
Materials required:
On the altar are:
brown candles,
a Tootsie Roll (the great big one- as the athame),
a large glass with milk in it (the chalice),
a small dish of Hershey's Syrup and a spoon,
a small dish of chocolate sprinkles,
a plate of cupcakes,
some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet,
and small dish of chocolate ice cream.
The Celebrants:
Handmaiden (Henceforth known as Swiss Miss)
High Priestess (Henceforth known as Betty Crocker)
Page (Henceforth known as Pillsbury Dough Boy)
High Priest (Henceforth known as Mr. Goodbar)
Cleanse the Sacred Space
Pillsbury Dough Boy takes the small dish of chocolate sprinkles:
Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast
No calories in thy presence last.
Let no harm adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!
Swiss Miss take the small dish of Hershey's Syrup, spoon and large glass with milk
Hershey's Syrup where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.
Let all good things come unto me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!
Cast The Circle
Betty Crocker using a tootsie roll as athame walks around the circle three times
Mr. Goodbar intones the invocation
In the beginning,
there was the word.
And the word was Chocolate.
And it was good.
Confections: 1.5 oz., 240 cal.
Call the Quarters
Betty Crocker
Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!
Great princess of the palace of dessert!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all moochers
approaching from the East.
Pillsbury Dough Boy
Fondue of the South, Molten one!
Great prince of the palace decadence!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all diets approaching from the South.
Swiss Miss
Cocoa of the West, Satisfying one!
Great princess of the palace of thirst quenchers!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all carob approaching from the West.
Mr. Goodbar
Rocky Road of the North, Cold one!
Great prince of the palace of crunchy comfort food!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all cheap imitations approaching from the North.
MAIN RITUAL
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate, who was of old called:
Godiva, Suzi Q, Little Debbie, Dolly Madison, Fanny Farmer, Sara Lee, and by many other names:
Swiss Miss:
Whenever you have one of those cravings,
once in a while and better it be when your checkbook is full,
then shall you assemble in a great public place
and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me,
who is Queen of all Goodies.
In the mall shall you assemble,
you who have eaten all of your chocolate and are hungry for more.
To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue.
And you shall be free from depression.
And as a sign that you are truly free,
you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks,
and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises all in my presence.
For mine is the ecstasy of theobromine,
and mine is also the joy on earth,
yea, even into high orbit
for my law is "melts in your mouth, not in your hand".
Keep clean your fingers,
carry Wet Ones always,
let none keep you from Me.
For Mine is the secret that opens your mouth,
and Mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips
and comfy padding pounds on your hips.
I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy
onto the tummies of women and men.
Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious,
and beyond death
well, I can't do much there.
Sorry about that.
I demand only your money in sacrifice,
for behold,
chocolate is a business,
and you have to pay for those truffles
before you eat them.
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess,
she in the dust of whose feet are the cheap imitations,
whose body graces candy racks and finer stores everywhere:
Betty Crocker:
I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips,
and the satisfying softness of big bars,
the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles,
and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire,
call unto thy soul to arise and come unto Me.
For I am the soul of candy,
from Me do all confections spring,
and unto Me all of you shall return,
again.... and again... and again.... and again.
Before My smeared face,
beloved of women and men,
thine innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose.
Let My taste be within thy mouth that rejoices.
For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are My rituals.
Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess,
crispness and crackling,
big slabs and bite size pieces,
peanut butter and chocolate covered cherries all within you.
And you who think to seek Me,
know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not
unless you know the Mystery:
"We shall sell no chocolate until you pay for it"
For behold:
I have been with you since you were just a baby,
and I am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the land.
Messed be.
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was of old called:
Milton Snavely Hershey, 3 Muskateers, Fudgesicle, Devil Dog, Mars, Willy Wonka and by many other names:
Mr. Goodbar:
I am the strength of the candy rack,
and the piece that fell on the floor but looks like it may not have
gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of dark chocolate.
No matter how you try to resist the call of chocolate,
I will hunt you out,
and I will become your sacred prey.
I am warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter,
and the call of the road that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown.
I give you My creatures,
the fire of love of chocolate,
the power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar and the shelter of Haagen Dazs when that big date didn't work out.
You are dear to Me,
and I instill in you the power of a piece of chocolate that you had
forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight
with which you can spot a candy counter a mile away.
By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun,
I charge you,
by the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot
and lingering smell of bittersweet chocolate, I charge you,
and by the beauty of a perfectly formed Reese's Peanut Butter Cup,
I charge you.
Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you.
The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy.
Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa,
and in the last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo.
Yet you must be wary of deceit.
Eat not of that which is called "baking chocolate",
for it is vile and bitter.
Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you.
Be not greedy,
but let yourself be known as a connoisseur.
Leave a little for someone else.
I am with you always,
just over your shoulder,
or around the next corner.
I am the Lord of Chocolate,
and when you have reached the end of you hoard,
I will never be further away from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner.
I am the spirit of the wild child,
the inner child who can never get quite enough.
If you are a true chocolate lover,
then your soul and mine are intertwined.
Cupcakes and Yoo-Hoo
Blessing of the Yoo-Hoo
Mr. Goodbar:
Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark chocolate
Betty Crocker:
Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
For both are better than the falsely named "white chocolate"
Swiss Miss:
And neither one is carob
Mr. Goodbar:
As the frosting is to the cupcake
Betty Crocker:
So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way bar
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
And when they are eaten,
they are yummy in truth,
Swiss Miss:
for there is no greater snack in all the world
than one made of chocolate.
blessing of the cupcakes
Mr. Goodbar & Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Frosting is keen
Betty Crocker & Swiss Miss:
And frosting is neat
Mr. Goodbar, Pillsbury Dough Boy, Betty Crocker & Swiss Miss:
Great Goddess! Let's eat!
Feasting and Drinking
Dismiss Quarters
Betty Crocker:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the East,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Pillsbury Dough Boy:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the South,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Swiss Miss:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the West,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Mr. Goodbar:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the North,
we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle,
and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms,
we say unto you,
All participants:
"Choooooooc-laaaaate"
Mr. Goodbar: After all quarters have been dismissed,
give a final satisfying belch at the east
Open Circle
Pillsbury Dough Boy: Go now in perfect love,
perfect trust, and perfect chocolate
The Universe Always Keeps Her balance. Lady Karma always shines through the darkness....
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JewelOfTheSouth
- Posts: 467
- Joined: Fri May 23, 2008 2:28 am
- Location: The Universe
- Contact:
Another Example: For Diabetic's Too!
REMEMBERING FORGOTTEN GODS
I don't think the Aztecs knew what they were starting. Oh, they called Xocatl the drink of the Gods, certainly, but they probably had no idea that Xocatl would give rise to the even greater deities Godiva, Nestle, Hershey and Cadbury. Many of us enjoy these deities on a daily (all right, hourly) basis, yet so many people do not take the time to revere them properly, possibly because most of us do not know how (or, more likely, do not possess the necessary willpower). This ritual, performed at this year's Pagan Spirit Gathering (PSG), is designed for those longing to fulfill an essential part of their spiritual paths. I am speaking, naturally, of Chocolate Rites.
This ritual is good for one of those evenings when it is your turn to host the monthly coven meeting and you haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Though this ritual might be called "light" at best and "downright silly" at worst, even the most dignified Craft practitioner is hard pressed to scoff at the chance to scarf down a pound or two of the God and Goddess incarnate.
Celebrating Chocolate Ritual
You will need: chunks of milk Chocolate, dark Chocolate, baking Chocolate, Chocolate chips, hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup), a box of Chocolates, a stick of your favorite incense, a Chocolate Venus of Willendorf, and a Chocolate Horned God (a Chocolate egg and Chocolate bunny will do in a pinch). A large finger bowl or packet of baby wipes is highly recommended.
Setup:
An area large enough for everyone to stand in (preferably outside - this ritual can get messy). An altar with plates, bowls, cups and boxes of the above ingredients, set up as follows:
East: milk Chocolate
South: dark Chocolate (including baked products such as brownies)
West: hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup)
North: baking Chocolate
Center: Chocolates. The God and Goddess figures should be placed on either side of the Chocolates.
Before Beginning:
Xocatl and his children are accompanied by literally thousands of tiny hangers-on that must be dealt with before beginning the ritual. Priest/ess says: "Before we begin, we must rid this circle of evil. (Wave incense.) Be gone, terror of the waistline. Flee, evil of the thighs. Leave us, horrors of the double chin. Calories may not enter here!"
All: "Tastes great! Less fattening! Tastes great! Less fattening!"
Now the Circle is Cast.
East:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from North to East. The other participants may try to catch them in their mouths.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the East, milk Chocolate, mild, healing and comforting." Eat a piece of milk Chocolate (so can the people standing at East). Sigh with rapture.
South:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from East to South.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the South, dark Chocolate, primal, passionate, patron of Mounds Bars." Eat a piece of dark Chocolate (so can the people standing at South). Laugh or growl passionately.
West:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from South to West.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the West, flowing, flexible, winter solace (or "ice cream perfecter" if using syrup)." Drink some of the hot Chocolate (so cant he people standing at West). Say, "Mmmmmm!" while rubbing stomach.
North:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from West to North.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the North, Chocolate mass, basis for all Chocolate, bitter as death and something we only want once." Eat a piece of baking Chocolate (so can the people standing at North, if anyone wants it). Nod in serious contemplation.
Center:
Throw the remaining Chocolate chips into the air in the middle of the circle.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the Center, Chocolates, synthesis of all, holder of secrets delicious and disgusting." Choose a Chocolate (so can the people standing at Center). Check the middle by pushing your thumb into the bottom. If it's one you like, eat it joyfully. If not, try to foist it off on someone else.
Invocation to the Goddess and God:
Pick up the Venus figure (or egg).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great Goddess Godiva." Bite off her head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Pick up the Horned God figure (or bunny).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great God Nestle." Bite off his head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Chant to the tune of "The Earth, the Air, the Fire, the Water..." the following:
The milk, the dark, hot Chocolate (or "the syrup"), the bitter, return, return, return, return (repeat). So good, so good, so good, so good, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum (repeat).
Final Invocation:
Everyone takes a piece of his or her favorite Chocolate. Have everyone place his/her right hand over the Chocolate.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "I vow to remember the small, sweet things in life, to enjoy the delectable moments, and to give in to temptation on Thursdays. So mote it be."
Eat the Chocolate.
Opening the Circle:
Face each direction with a bit of the appropriate Chocolate. Give thanks to the Chocolate of that direction. Throw the bit of Chocolate away as a libation. Yes, this takes a great deal of self-control, but it must be done.
Walk solemnly to center of circle. Shout, "PIG OUT!" Do so.
Hints:
For large groups, the Priest/ess might want to ask different participants to bring some of the Chocolate. A persuasive Priest/ess can, therefore, given enough participants, get away without having to buy any Chocolate at all (though it's a good idea to keep this fact to yourself).
If you must buy the Chocolate yourself, buy it in bits and pieces, so to speak, and stash it in your freezer until you have enough. Post-Valentine's Day Chocolates are invariably half-priced and are perfect for Center. Chocolate bunnies and eggs abound just after Easter.
Caloric banishment notwithstanding, sugarless hot Chocolate is an ideal way to allow diabetics and dieters into the ritual without compromising their physical requirements. Masochistic dieters are encouraged to stand in the North and sop up excess baking Chocolate.
Would an ancient Greek have sacrificed a papyrus cow to Zeus and expected a positive response? Of course not. therefore, carob, so-called white Chocolate and artificially flavored Chocolate have no place in this ritual.
I don't think the Aztecs knew what they were starting. Oh, they called Xocatl the drink of the Gods, certainly, but they probably had no idea that Xocatl would give rise to the even greater deities Godiva, Nestle, Hershey and Cadbury. Many of us enjoy these deities on a daily (all right, hourly) basis, yet so many people do not take the time to revere them properly, possibly because most of us do not know how (or, more likely, do not possess the necessary willpower). This ritual, performed at this year's Pagan Spirit Gathering (PSG), is designed for those longing to fulfill an essential part of their spiritual paths. I am speaking, naturally, of Chocolate Rites.
This ritual is good for one of those evenings when it is your turn to host the monthly coven meeting and you haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Though this ritual might be called "light" at best and "downright silly" at worst, even the most dignified Craft practitioner is hard pressed to scoff at the chance to scarf down a pound or two of the God and Goddess incarnate.
Celebrating Chocolate Ritual
You will need: chunks of milk Chocolate, dark Chocolate, baking Chocolate, Chocolate chips, hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup), a box of Chocolates, a stick of your favorite incense, a Chocolate Venus of Willendorf, and a Chocolate Horned God (a Chocolate egg and Chocolate bunny will do in a pinch). A large finger bowl or packet of baby wipes is highly recommended.
Setup:
An area large enough for everyone to stand in (preferably outside - this ritual can get messy). An altar with plates, bowls, cups and boxes of the above ingredients, set up as follows:
East: milk Chocolate
South: dark Chocolate (including baked products such as brownies)
West: hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup)
North: baking Chocolate
Center: Chocolates. The God and Goddess figures should be placed on either side of the Chocolates.
Before Beginning:
Xocatl and his children are accompanied by literally thousands of tiny hangers-on that must be dealt with before beginning the ritual. Priest/ess says: "Before we begin, we must rid this circle of evil. (Wave incense.) Be gone, terror of the waistline. Flee, evil of the thighs. Leave us, horrors of the double chin. Calories may not enter here!"
All: "Tastes great! Less fattening! Tastes great! Less fattening!"
Now the Circle is Cast.
East:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from North to East. The other participants may try to catch them in their mouths.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the East, milk Chocolate, mild, healing and comforting." Eat a piece of milk Chocolate (so can the people standing at East). Sigh with rapture.
South:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from East to South.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the South, dark Chocolate, primal, passionate, patron of Mounds Bars." Eat a piece of dark Chocolate (so can the people standing at South). Laugh or growl passionately.
West:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from South to West.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the West, flowing, flexible, winter solace (or "ice cream perfecter" if using syrup)." Drink some of the hot Chocolate (so cant he people standing at West). Say, "Mmmmmm!" while rubbing stomach.
North:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from West to North.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the North, Chocolate mass, basis for all Chocolate, bitter as death and something we only want once." Eat a piece of baking Chocolate (so can the people standing at North, if anyone wants it). Nod in serious contemplation.
Center:
Throw the remaining Chocolate chips into the air in the middle of the circle.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the Center, Chocolates, synthesis of all, holder of secrets delicious and disgusting." Choose a Chocolate (so can the people standing at Center). Check the middle by pushing your thumb into the bottom. If it's one you like, eat it joyfully. If not, try to foist it off on someone else.
Invocation to the Goddess and God:
Pick up the Venus figure (or egg).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great Goddess Godiva." Bite off her head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Pick up the Horned God figure (or bunny).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great God Nestle." Bite off his head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Chant to the tune of "The Earth, the Air, the Fire, the Water..." the following:
The milk, the dark, hot Chocolate (or "the syrup"), the bitter, return, return, return, return (repeat). So good, so good, so good, so good, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum (repeat).
Final Invocation:
Everyone takes a piece of his or her favorite Chocolate. Have everyone place his/her right hand over the Chocolate.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "I vow to remember the small, sweet things in life, to enjoy the delectable moments, and to give in to temptation on Thursdays. So mote it be."
Eat the Chocolate.
Opening the Circle:
Face each direction with a bit of the appropriate Chocolate. Give thanks to the Chocolate of that direction. Throw the bit of Chocolate away as a libation. Yes, this takes a great deal of self-control, but it must be done.
Walk solemnly to center of circle. Shout, "PIG OUT!" Do so.
Hints:
For large groups, the Priest/ess might want to ask different participants to bring some of the Chocolate. A persuasive Priest/ess can, therefore, given enough participants, get away without having to buy any Chocolate at all (though it's a good idea to keep this fact to yourself).
If you must buy the Chocolate yourself, buy it in bits and pieces, so to speak, and stash it in your freezer until you have enough. Post-Valentine's Day Chocolates are invariably half-priced and are perfect for Center. Chocolate bunnies and eggs abound just after Easter.
Caloric banishment notwithstanding, sugarless hot Chocolate is an ideal way to allow diabetics and dieters into the ritual without compromising their physical requirements. Masochistic dieters are encouraged to stand in the North and sop up excess baking Chocolate.
Would an ancient Greek have sacrificed a papyrus cow to Zeus and expected a positive response? Of course not. therefore, carob, so-called white Chocolate and artificially flavored Chocolate have no place in this ritual.
The Universe Always Keeps Her balance. Lady Karma always shines through the darkness....
Thanks for sharing.-
JewelOfTheSouth
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