An Empath, what shoud i do?

[fisk_82]

Hi,

I just know that i'm an empath by reading some articles. Actually, i feel it like a burden... not good at all. From time to time, people keep telling me, how i know what are they true feelings, intention, or even something that they haven't speak yet... Most of my friends tell me that i have natural gift in understand people.

I confuse for sometimes. No i don't know the answer also until i read article about an empath. So i guess, i just sensing people feelings... their self... their true self without their mask.

The problem is... more days i lived... i feel it like a burden. It feels like, i become a sponge to so much pain and suffering and i put it in to my self and it end damage my self. And what can i say that my life path bring me also to a career path that makes me absorbed that whole terrible thing.

And right now... i end up living like a hermit. Besides my work world, I minimize my contact with outer world.. friends... family... Sometimes feel lonely but it also bring comfort to the self.

And my question is... how to make a border between me and outer world around me... as i always sensing others without my conscious... Can anyone help?

[spiritalk]

If you have recognized you are an empath, the first lesson is PROTECTION and GROUNDING.  You must find a protection exercise that serves you.  Each of us is unique, so the protection you use will have to suit your own temperament.

I use...I visualize a bubble (similar to one blown from a child's soap bubble pipe) complete with a  rainbow patch as rainbows are such mystical/magical symbols of change, bridges, connections, communication and comes with a pot of gold (prosperity) at the end.  I visualize this bubble expand around me and acknowledge it as a filter of all negativity from within or without.  In this way, all energies will flow, but be filtered.

I do not rise from my bed in the morning without affirmation and protection.  And I repeat both during the stresses of my day.  

If or when the energies get stuck in my head, I stand up and do a grounding exercise with the earth.  I see myself as a strong tree and allow all the energies to go to the roots and into the earth to be renewed.  I see myself drawing strength and nurture from the earth.

[fisk_82]

I visualize the bubble spiritalk... as i learned from your answer for my other question in this forum... but sometimes it feels it don't work or just work for a few hours.
I remember one of a friend of mine... suggest me to visualize protection every day before i start my daily activity about two years ago... at that time i don't know why he asked me to do that... but lately i quite and bit understand.
And as my job is in the field where i must hear other people burdened in this life... the more i get burdened with all that negative feeling.
Lately i feel that negativity is all around... i don't know... feel like this world is dying and crying... and i get on my depression once again... to the limit that i feel that i can't take it anymore.
Do u still feel others emotion after u start making the bubble spiritalk? Can u tell me how to reduce the impact without need to avoid contact with people... Tx for ur kind help

[Cascade of Light]

Try some heavier protection sequences and learn how to shield so that you can take some rest. Allow the emotinos to flow over you and not through you, don't allow them in just taste.

Cassie

[fisk_82]

Heavier protection? Can u explain more cascade? Tx

[spiritalk]

One of the reasons I said repeat as needed, is that some stress is stronger than others.  If you are in a job that means you have to listen to others' burdens, then you certainly to refresh between clients.  Don't take on more than you can handle.

The bubble is a filter - but even a filter needs cleansing.  Ground yourself and do it again and again as needed.  

My affirmation is.......flow spirit flow and all my fears release, I am a channel for thy love and peace.
Heal spirit heal and all myself renew, I am expressing my perfection true.  

These lines help to cleanse the whole body when you allow them to flow in, around and through.

[Cascade of Light]

Heavier protection? Can u explain more cascade? Tx

At the end of the day a bubble is as strong or weak as you make it, but many people I come across have issues with visualising themselves inside a bubble so there are many other, stronger, tougher ways of protectring yourself, or shielding or blocking other people's energies

What makes you feel safe? A solid and high brick wall, a dragon, a wall of water, being hidden under a black velvet cloak? Think about it and then go from there

Cassie

[spiritalk]

Remember that your ideas of what you construct (wall, tower, etc.) will also block the flow of the good as well as the bad.  Sometimes it is just not valid to want to block all things.

[Cascade of Light]

Remember that your ideas of what you construct (wall, tower, etc.) will also block the flow of the good as well as the bad.  Sometimes it is just not valid to want to block all things.

It all depends on your take on things I think?  There are many ways to block, shield, filter, as well as mask or protect. If the opriginal questio is answered 'how to block' then a brick wall may indeed give the op some respite and calm. Of course it is not practical to block every moment or we would also block outr the joy and fun and laughter

Cassie

[Cascade of Light]

That is so funny, the linked ad over "how to block" in my post is an advertisement for bricks and bricklaying, roflmao, ahhh the lighter side of spirit lol

Cassie

[fisk_82]

@spirit and cascade tx for your answer ... now i think i have some imagination how to do it the best way

Can i ask a few more question
@spiritalk, actually how to make a protection without block the whole part? what kind of thing that we can create in our mind to be a protection without block anything completely?
i mean... it's hard for me to imagine my self in a bubble... and i don't know... i think i don't make the right bubble... it's lack of structure. For these two days, i try to make bubble based on 7 colors of chakra... and well it work pretty well but it takes times also to do that... i spend around a half hour to create it...

@cascade what do you mean by "it all depends on your take on things I think"?

Tx for your help

[fisk_82]

sorry double post

[otato]

I also consider myself Empath, and I agree that at times it manifests as a burden. The key in keeping myself grounded has always been to remember what I have allowed (past), versus what I will allow (future).

You can use visualizations to do this, sure... like the bubble... or you can establish mental/verbal parameters. Either way, it comes down to what you allow. What you allow yourself to give -- what you allow others to take. What you allow establishes the cause and effect in terms of your being drained.

I have reached a point in my journey where I have no patience to be drained unnecessarily and ceaselessly. And so, as this arises, I skip the visualizations and cut to the chase. I make it clear I'm of no use and we have to move on.

Just like someone said earlier that when you put up a wall or filter, you run the risk of filtering out the good along with the bad. The same is true when you put up a verbal wall, like I'm talking about doing here. The difference is this: when being honest and straightforward about being drained, you can empower yourself and the drainer, and reestablish the energy exchange so that it's not lop-sided.

What everyone else is talking about doing... the visualizations... this covers the end of what you need to do to protect yourself, sure. But what about making other people understand how heavy their emotions are? They will never know unless you express it.
Empaths have that edge, where they can illuminate things. That's their gift. Now, any gift can be abused, and I will admit that I have let myself fly off the handle when trying to reestablish the course of the energy exchange.

It really takes being sinless with your intent. You have to separate yourself from the insult of being drained when addressing it out loud. You have to take the emotions of others into consideration when you stop someone from draining you - because they expect it, just like the baby expects its bottle. That is the nourishment that's being denied.
But this isn't a baby that needs a bottle. It's people who need endless emotional support from people with endless emotions. Of course it's a burden!

I think it's something that needs more discussion than just visualization techniques. No offense guys, they are helpful, but in terms of living with this every day, and managing to deal with people effectively every day, I think we've only braised the topic. Much luck in your searching, Fisk

[spiritalk]

otato:  What you speak of is energy vampires rather than empathy.  People just have a natural instinct to use and abuse other people's energies.  I will post an article on Energy Vampires to understand this interaction.  But it is not about being empathic.  

Empathic people need to start by protecting themselves.  Find a protection exercise that works.  My bubble is like one blown from a child's soap bubble pipe - opaque, and complete with the rainbow patch.  All that symbolizes works for me.  It is a simple thing and doesn't take hardly any time at all.  I put myself there and know I am protected by its filtering process.  

If walls work for you - use them. If words, symbols, sights work for you - use them.  No one is saying there is only one way.  We each have to find our own because we are unique beings.

When you have found your own protection exercise that works, you will be comfortable in the world at large.  Energy Vampires or other energy exchanges will no longer drain and upset you.  Protection is for yourself and that is where we start with all lessons - self.

[spiritalk]

© Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires
by Judith Orloff, MD
(Taken from:  talentdevelop.com/ProtYEnVam.html)
Energy vampires are people who suck our energy dry. Everyone can benefit from skills on how to cope with them. You can especially benefit if you are an "intuitive empath" who absorbs the pain and negativity of others into your body, and become exhausted by it.
Our relationships are governed by a give and take of energy. Some people make us more electric or at ease.
Yet others suck the life right out of us. As a physician and energy specialist I want to verify that energy vampires roam the world sapping our exuberance.
With patients and in my workshops I've seen their fang marks and the carnage they've strewn. But most of us don't know how to identify and cope with vampires, so we mope around as unwitting casualties, enduring a preventable fatigue.
Here are some types of energy vampires to watch for at work and ways to deal with them.
Vampire #1: The Sob Sister
Every time you talk to her she's whining. She adores a captive audience. She's the person with the "poor me" attitude who's more interested in complaining than solutions.
How to Protect Yourself: Set clear boundaries. Limit the time you spend talking about her complaints. With a firm but kind attitude say, "I'm sorry I can only talk for a few minutes today." And go on with your work and life.
Vampire #2: The Drama Queen
This vampire has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart dramas. My patient Sarah was exhausted when she hired a new employee who was always late for work.
One week he had the flu and "almost died." Next, his car was towed, again! After this employee left her office Sarah felt tired and used.
How to Protect Yourself: A drama queen doesn't get mileage out of equanimity. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. This will help you not get caught up in the histrionics. At work, set kind but firm limits.
Say, "You must be here on time to keep your job. I'm sorry for all your mishaps, but work comes first."
Vampire #3:The Constant Talker or Joke Teller
He has no interest in your feelings; he's only concerned with himself. Initially, he might seem entertaining, but when the talking doesn't stop, you begin to get tired.
You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise but it never comes. Or he might physically move in so close he's practically breathing on you. You edge backwards, but without missing a beat, he steps closer again.
One patient said about such a coworker, "Whenever I spot this man my colon goes into spasm."
How to Protect Yourself: Know that these people don't respond to nonverbal cues. You must speak up and interrupt. Listen for a few minutes- then from a neutral place politely say, "I'm a quiet person, so please excuse me for not talking a long time -- a much more constructive tack than "Keep quiet, you're driving me crazy!"
Vampire #4. The Fixer Upper
This vampire is desperate for you to fix her endless problems -- at all hours. She turns you into her therapist. At lunch, she'll make a b-line to your desk, monopolizing your free time. Her neediness lures you in.
How to Protect Your Energy: Do not become the "rescuer." Show empathy but resist offering solutions. Be supportive but tell her, "I'm confident you'll find the right solution" or sensitively suggest that she seek a qualified professional for help.
Vampire #5: The Blamer
This vampire has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty or lacking for not getting things just right. Whenever my patient Marie, a book editor, sees her boss she's on guard; her boss had a way of cutting her down that saps her energy.
She always has a negative comment to make.
How to Protect Yourself: Try this visualization. Around this person imagine yourself surrounded by a cocoon of white light. Think of it as a protective covering that keeps you from being harmed.
Tell yourself that you are safe and secure here. The cocoon filters out the negativity so it can't deplete you.
Vampire #6: Go For The Jugular Fiend
This type is vindictive and cuts you down with no consideration for your feelings. He says things like, "Forget that job. It's out of your league." These jabs can be so hurtful it's hard to get them out of your head.
How To Protect Yourself: Eliminate them from your life whenever possible. For a boss who isn't going anywhere try a visualization that put you at a distance from them, and refuse to ingest the poison. If you don't want to switch jobs, realize he's a wounded person; try not to take his meanness personally.

Here’s another article from www.cmrsnews.com/energy_vampires.htm to fend off those who don’t realize their negative energy affects others….
Energy Vampires
We all know who they are, we just didn’t exactly know what to call them, at least until now. You know, the people that drain all the life and energy right out of you by their neediness, negativity, and complaining. Yep those are the ones. The name for them is Energy Vampires.

They efficiently and completely without shame or remorse zap and drain the energy and vitality out of other happy, healthy, and well adjusted individuals they may come in contact with. One might in fact say that they actively seek out and target others for destruction. They are energy predators. Whether they are related to the blood sucking vampires, or just a common personality type, we all have them in our lives. In close relationships they are also known as co-dependents, in the business world as negative people, and in the world of paranormal psychology they are known as psychic vampires.

They are bad news for those of us that have the misfortune of encountering them. Unfortunately, they are everywhere. We all have to deal with them from time to time, some of us more than others, and some of us see them every single day.

So to all you customer service representatives, daughters of elderly mothers, sons in law, doctors, nursing home CNA’s, and everyone else who suffers with this problem, listen up because here’s what you can do about it. And yes, this DOES have something to do with your health! Why? Because loss of positive energy and vitality leads to fatigue, depression, anxiety, guilt, inertia, psychosomatic problems, loss of productivity, slowed down hormonal function, adrenal exhaustion, irritability, insomnia, headaches, and many many other problems.

First, you MUST realize that your own energy, optimism, and enthusiasm AT THIS MOMENT, like your checking account balance, is a rare, valuable, limited, and wasting commodity. Like real estate, they aren’t making any more of it. We all have stuff we HAVE to do TODAY that will drain our energy bank account. Unless you are extraordinary, there’s not enough extra to go around permitting energy vampires to have their way with you.

Second, you already know who these people are in your life. Now you must recognize them for the pernicious threat that they are. Many of us are “pleasers”. That means we will accept things others impose or request or require of us more or less indiscriminantly because we don’t want to face anger or rejection.

Once again, the cure to this attitude is to know that WE need our energy and vitality for our own well being. There is no reason to lose it trying to please someone who cannot be pleased, no matter what we try to do for them. Most people know a “pleaser” when they meet one, so although they may be willing to benefit from the pleasers efforts on their behalf, they are not likely to respect them for it.

Also the more you do for ungrateful others, the more they will expect you to do, and the less appreciative they will become. Surely this is a vicious circle you do not want to be riding. What I am saying is don’t be afraid to say no, or no more. If you are a pleaser, get help, and start developing mature and mutual adult relationships with the important people in your life, and start setting sensible boundaries.

Third, many of us are exposed to energy vampires at work. For some of us, they are an intrinsic part of our job, or perhaps we work with them or for them. They always look at the negative side of things. They have a million doubts and questions. They usually try to control everything, but never succeed in feeling safe. They expertly shoot down every problem solving suggestion you can come up with. They don’t want to feel better.

They are into complaining for the long haul, and for the energy they can drain out of others in the process. They tend to blame others for their problems, portray themselves as victims, give others an unaccountable feeling of responsibility for them, and they go on and on.

So if this is your boss, maybe there is nothing you can do besides stay clear of him or her, and try to have as little to do with them as possible. Keep your conversations short and sweet. Don’t challenge them with questions. Don’t try to convert them to a more positive outlook. That is a fatal mistake, and specifically feeds their pathology.

Listen long enough to know what you need to get out of the conversation, and then get away from them. Make up an excuse, or simply say “I have some other things I need to do now. Thank you for …whatever”.

Some workplaces have most of their vampires calling on the telephone. Really you can identify them even before they verbally share their first bomb, drop their doom and gloom, or collar you and try to pin you to the floor. They are unhappy people. They want you to be unhappy with them. You can hear it in their voices. You can tell because no matter how cheerful or smiley you may be at first, it will not make them feel better.

There is only one thing you can do in the real world. Keep it short. Find out what they want. You may have to interrupt their train of thought to get them focused. “What can I help you with today?”“I can get you an answer to that question for you. Let me call you back” You want them to know that you are willing to get them what they want, and you are not interested in hearing all their complaints and how the world is going to hell in a hand-basket.

Unfortunately the best you can do in some of these cases may be to spare yourself, and pass them along to the next victim. In dealing with this kind of customer, there is a way to be kind, and caring, and professional and still be efficient, and keep them from leaving you in a pile of dust, the wreckage of what started out to be a good day. Just determine to yourself that you are not going to let them do that to you. Don’t take it personally, and don’t react with anger. It’s just how they are. Identify the type, and relate to the type in a practiced and predictable manner. You can help them, but you do not want to become their friend. You are not going to let them “have you”. They will chew you up and spit you out.

Finally, in your life in general there are some things for which you must have close to zero tolerance. Energy vampires are one of them. Then too, there is preoccupation with past wrongs, gossip, worries, and fears about things over which you have no control. That is a topic for another day. Hanging cloves of garlic from your neck might be effective, but it’s not a practical solution. Now you understand. Those amazing flips from feeling good to feeling bad don’t just happen for no reason. It’s not an accident. Your energy has been stolen. You’ve been robbed. Stay alert. Stay happy. Stay healthy.



And here’s one last bit of information from http://www.businesspsychology.com/newsl ... _2004.html
Beware Energy Vampires
February 2004Beware the energy vampires, for they will suck the productivity and success right out of your team! They're the living dead who lie in wait to pounce on you and suck your life force out of you, leaving you drained and half alive!

You know who they are; you've met them on the street and you've worked with them. On the outside they look like you and me. They may be well dressed and polite, perhaps even sophisticated. But inside they are poor joyless souls who are vigilant in telling you why you aren't good enough, why new ideas won't work, and generally why the world is a dreary and limiting place.

Somewhere in their dark pasts an energy vampire sucked the joy out of them, and they believe that they must roam the world infecting others. They live in terror of the bright sunlight of happiness, acceptance of imperfection, and optimism because they fear they will burst into flame and cease to exist altogether. They are destined to lurk in the shadows and search evermore for new victims to convert to the dark side (…imagine eerie music here).

EXAMPLE: I worked with a member of a senior leadership team who was bright, technically excellent, and politically savvy. He was socially polished and masterful at upward influence ("sucking up" if you will) with his superiors, so he seldom got into trouble or drew negative attention to himself.  However, many people had a general uneasiness when he was in the room and felt that they never could relax around him. They had a strange sense of dread that bad things were bound to happen sooner or later. This was particularly true for his subordinates, who were almost completely at his mercy. He felt no need to camouflage his true goals when with them, so he treated them shabbily and kept them feeling afraid and frustrated.

With peers the vampire would bide his time and wait until his victims were unsuspecting; then he would pounce and tell them why they were inadequate or why their ideas were not quite up to snuff. In a fairly predictable fashion, the teams he belonged to began to "shut down" and become less productive and less successful over time.

In particular, the leadership team members began to take the most conservative and risk-averse path both individually and as a group. This allowed them to avoid making any move that could possibly be criticized as less than perfect or without extensive precedent. In other words, they allowed their potential for innovation, synergy, and greater levels of success to be sucked right out of them!

This was a bright and hardworking senior leadership group, so they were able to maintain a moderate level of performance, but they never actualized their full potential as a team or as a business. The saddest part was that the leader of the senior leadership team, the only person who had the power and authority to put an end to this destruction, was unable to recognize energy vampires, and so the dark one remained free to stalk his victims at will (…imagine staccato music building to a crescendo here). Are you this leader?

TECHNIQUES
Technique #1: Pay attention to your gut feelings when you are around someone; these feelings are a valuable source of data in identifying and avoiding energy vampires.

Technique #2: In your selection process, screen out energy vampires. Hire generally happy and reasonably optimistic people who bring out the best in others.

Technique #3: Periodically gather feedback on the performance of your team members (e.g., 360 degree feedback) so you have a comprehensive and balanced picture of their full impact on your organization.

Technique #4: Remove energy vampires from your team through whatever legal and ethical means necessary; the cost is too dear to ignore this threat to productivity and success.