what will happen in court.

BLACKCAT · Post by **BLACKCAT** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 5:06 am

my son wants away from his father, he asked my mom if his house burnt
down if he could come stay with her. my mom not thinking told him of course. he set the laundry room of their apartment on fire. after that his dad sent him out of the state to a military style camp. he wouldn't tell anyone where Justin was. my parents have played a very important role in my sons life, with me not being there, he became very close to my mom.
someone called social services on my son's dad again, and he blames my mom so now he's not allowed to see them. oh. by the way my parents fought to get my son out of the place his father sent him, it turned out to be on the F.B.I.'s watch list, "living water refuge" look it up it horrible. when the camp found out that ppl were coming to investigate they sent my son back on a plane that day. his dad was pissed.
he just severed me papers at work today. he says i'm in contempt for not paying his old attorney fees. him and his attorney have me going to court three times in one week. he sits at home on welfare so it's no big deal to him. i have to keep taking time off of work. all i want is to see my son. i don't want to fight with this *&&*V&*^. he's so mean to him, i know that a lot of this is my fault for my past actions, and the more he makes him suffer, the more it just kills me. i have to keep going numb inside or i real like i'm going to go insane. i've become this very angry person. i don't get it why this sweet, caring little boy's life has been nothing but pain. and the more anyone trys to help the worse we make it for him. i know that life isn't fair, but this is bullshit.

i just tried to go to the camps website and it's been permanently shut down. i can't even tell u the horrible things that there doing to boys there.

thanks for listing to my problems.
sometimes it feel like i'm dying inside when i think of the hell i helped to create for this little boy.

blackcat

Vishwas · Post by **Vishwas** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:34 am

Hey blackcat, thanx for sharing all this with us, we are all there for u, hoping, wishing & praying that u get ur son back. I feel a very good future for both of u.

Rhutobello · Post by **Rhutobello** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:46 am

I just have one word.....grusome....and most of all ageinst your son.

Since he is so old I can't understand why he haven't a say in this conversation.
Have you put this forward to your lawyer? I know the democartic sytem aren't perfect....but this are almost down the drain :(

I give you all my wishes and feel for you,,,,and I only hope your son come out of it with both feet on the ground!

Samson · Post by **Samson** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:16 am

Blackcat my friend please don't be so hard on yourself, I feel your pain and I can feel what your going through, that prick is going to get whats coming to him, there are people in this world who do listen and see what is going on, but you have to stop taking all the blame for what had happened in the past, I know that it's hard and it's hurting you inside, have faith it will get better.

BLACKCAT · Post by **BLACKCAT** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 4:24 pm

thanks you guys

 i'm feeling better today, i needed to process all of this and the lies that his father continues to tell about me. i know it's not true but it still hurts. i talked to my mom today and we both feel that justin needs his own attorney to keep his best interests in the spot light . for me this isn't about winning, it's about justin having a fair and honest chance at life. i wish his father felt the same way, but it's about being in control. i was trying to make this whole thing stay on a nice playing field, but his dad wants to turn this into a pissing contest. all i have to say is hell has no fury like...................................
i will never stop fighting for my little guy.
and p.s. we tried to have justin's wishes brought up, but the courts won't take that into consideration until he's thirteen. three more years. he will already be where he is suppose to be by then. i'm totally open to the truth, i can except any ruling if the greater good is for helping justin. i have to stay positive no matter what. i can't let anger get the best of me.

 i tend to become ruled by anger and fear. not today i'm keeping a  :)  on my face.
i'm so glad u guys are around to listen to my crap. u really are the best.
see samson if u left u wouldn't be here to help me out.

blackcat

Nicole · Post by **Nicole** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 6:00 pm

BLACKCAT wrote:thanks you guys i'm feeling better today, i needed to process all of this and the lies that his father continues to tell about me. i know it's not true but it still hurts. i talked to my mom today and we both feel that justin needs his own attorney to keep his best interests in the spot light . for me this isn't about winning, it's about justin having a fair and honest chance at life. i wish his father felt the same way, but it's about being in control. i was trying to make this whole thing stay on a nice playing field, but his dad wants to turn this into a pissing contest. all i have to say is hell has no fury like...................................
i will never stop fighting for my little guy.
and p.s. we tried to have justin's wishes brought up, but the courts won't take that into consideration until he's thirteen. three more years. he will already be where he is suppose to be by then. i'm totally open to the truth, i can except any ruling if the greater good is for helping justin. i have to stay positive no matter what. i can't let anger get the best of me. i tend to become ruled by anger and fear. not today i'm keeping a :) on my face.
i'm so glad u guys are around to listen to my crap. u really are the best.
see samson if u left u wouldn't be here to help me out.

blackcat

I'm glad your not leting your anger and fear hold you back... Think smart and sharp... Your on the right track sis... My prayers are with you and your loved ones...

Yrriki · Post by **Yrriki** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:32 pm

The sun shines over your domestic life now, saying don't struggle your patience is being tested,wait until  you know, your energy will make a difference.
In the past you have made many sacrifices to make changes, regardless, of the pathways you choose, in the back of your mind, there was a better way, so I think I'll try this way or that way and see what happens. There has even been thought of immigration...
Life has a funny way of working in your favour, it's as if you need to see your life explode around you before any changes become visible.
Tell yourself you have control and you have the power and right to effect any changes around you now!. In your court case I see a  sudden resolution or breakthrough,through your "resistance". It's almost like the right use of power in just the right ammount....it's ok, you are a proud mum who wants the best for her son...(no matter what).
Visualise you have your son back already. My question to you is, would he also be the "proudest son" to have his mother back, (no matter what).
If "yes" continue the way you are now, if "no" then open up the communication lines in all "AREAS" of your life and it will be worth celebrating big,you have started, we are all here. (Banana cake Yummmy)
One of your strengths are to overcome obtacles and deal with them head on,are there any other strengths you may want to draw on to create that bigger picture...
Luv Yrriki (pronounced Y. R. Riki) :

BLACKCAT · Post by **BLACKCAT** » Sat Sep 30, 2006 5:03 am

i have so many ppl on board with me. ppl have written testimonials for me to take to court. ppl use to be scared of me, and today they sing my praises. it seems so unreal to me. i think that if they knew the real me they wouldn't be so happy to see me. but i work very hard to live a ethical life.
my son wants to see me, he said that's all he wants for Christmas. and i hope he gets his present. i know it will be hard, but whatever it takes. i don't care. i have done a lot of things in my life that i'm not proud of. somethings i know i'll never forgive myself for. one of them is the situation that my son's in because i completely dropped the ball in our life's for.ppl god i would give anything to change the things i've done.
i don't pretend to know why my life is the way it is. or why due to my actions others suffer. i still have trouble getting to know ppl. when ppl try to get close i usually take flight. i don't know why i'm like that. but it's just a overwhelming sensation that it's all getting to real. i think i'll hold ppl at bay forever. i will keep trudging this road till there is no road. i will see this through until the end. for my son. i don't know how much sense i'm making. sometimes i just ramble on, but it helps me sort it out in my head. thanks for listening all.

blackcat

Samson · Post by **Samson** » Sat Sep 30, 2006 12:41 pm

Blackcat we here on this forum are always with you and will be with you when times are hard, I personally can't stand the way your sons father is treating you he's starting to really piss me off with the crap that he's putting you through, I'm not a violent man in general but if I were in the USA I'd no doubt pay him a visit and tell him what an *&&*V&*^ he really is and I shouldn't go any further in case I say the wrong thing and get myself into trouble here. I believe that your son belongs home with you and not subjected to all the crap his father is putting him through. I for one will be here for you when you need someone.

spiritalk · Post by **spiritalk** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:10 pm

There may be some more and difficult ups and down...the test will show your strength to weather all and be the best for your son in the end.  Be patient...with self and others.  In peace you will find solutions you need.  Don't expect others will do the job for you...unfortunately you have been disappointed once too often by relying on others to fight your battles.  You are capable!  You are strong!  You are also spiritual and that is what will see you through.  Trust in God!

God bless, J

Sophe · Post by **Sophe** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 5:23 pm

Goodluck with this Blackcat. I think you hit the most important thing .. is your son....and his well being. The first thought in my mind was you need to get your son outta of this situation. If his father is becoming mentally unstable, possesive and controllive....then your son is being exposed and may learn those behaviors from him without even realizing it. I got the feeling that he could get hurt in this situation. Also, the reason the father is becoming unstable is because he feels he is losing that control over you and your son.

I am sure the courts will do what is in the best interest of your son, but just know that may not mean he will be permanently be with you, be prepared. But if your parents have played an active role in his life then they may be the best choice and also give you the opportunity to reconnect with your son.

Kelcie · Post by **Kelcie** » Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:22 am

Hi Blackcat,

If anything I says offends you please disregard what you like. Offending you is not my intention. And given the life challenge you are experiencing for the moment I will understand completely.

Sometimes taking the path of least resistance proves to bring to our lives what we otherwise thought was either impossible or a hard road to hoe, more easily and seemingly effortlessly. Nothing is impossible and everything has evolved as it has for many different reasons. Therefore it is just how it is meant to be for the moment. Some of those reasons may not be clear for you right now but in time everything will make sense if you do what you feel you must do to effect the changes you desire.

On the surface it seems like everything has turned to custard but underneath the surface there are many dynamics in play that are perfect for the lessons all those involved are to learn if they so choose. Suffering is a result of resistance (amongst other things), hence why I said the path of least resistance may be more beneficial for you in the long run.

My heart goes out to you and your predicament. I do see however that you are being way too hard on yourself. The path of least resistance must first start with us. Since you have not forgiven yourself for what you have done in the past, you may find that this is part of what is causing resistance. On the other levels that one cannot see this inability to forgive you is repelling those things you want and deserve. If you are able to make peace with your past actions, ways of being, you will free up the energy that is not allowing you to let go of what you perhaps perceive as mistakes and free it up to attract the things you do want and in this instance your Son.

The dark night of the soul occurs usually because someone/something or events have stood in the way of the light or caused us to shut down the light we have within. You did not have a drug habit because you woke up one day and decided, yes I think I am going to do drugs, get addicted and lose my son. It never works that way, as I am sure you know. There are reasons for the escape in to any addiction because it fills the gaps that were not filled within us. If you have made peace with those reasons or found other ways to deal with them I congratulate you because it is not an easy task on any account.

We all desire to love and be loved and to be accepted for who we are as we are and if that is not expressed in the way we expect we can make some very erroneous decisions. If we are abused mentally or physically we can turn to that which gives us a false feeling of peace and contentment. Like drugs, alcohol, abuse. Perhaps they may serve to distract us from our anger and pain or any other emotion we cannot cope with for the moment. Nothing wrong with that. Sooner or later we will get a wake up call to choose other ways to deal with these gaps. If we keep missing the call the universe never gives up. It seems however you heard the call of the universe and I see this as a good thing.

I also see your ex husband as not being the way he is because he is not consciously aware of the subconscious things that compel him to do what he does. He is driven by a compelling need to control because of inner anger and pain that has not been dealt with. More often than not those who try to control others have been exposed to one who controls or has been controlled themselves. The same goes with mental, verbal and physical abuse. Never doubt that he does not love Justin. It is just that he knows no other way to love for the moment because of his dark night of the soul. Perhaps in five years time he may be thinking exactly like you are now in that he may not be proud of himself or perhaps that he could never ever forgive himself. Only he can chose his path however. Once he becomes more aware maybe he will realize the true nature of the man that he is deep within far beyond the darkness that compels him to do what he is doing.

We can be our own worst enemies, but if we are able to accept the past as it was and let it go we will be much better for it. It is not experience that defines who we are. It is the lessons that we gain from these experiences that define us, if we find them. If you are able to truly learn to accept the past as it was and accept that your role in it was just as it should have been. Forgiveness will arise. Not only for yourself but for those who have ever harmed or wronged you in different ways because you will see beyond the surface stuff and deep in to their hearts. Compassion will compel you to love them instead of detest them.

You might then start to discover just how great you truly are in every aspect of your being and how great everyone is. This greatness is far beyond the meaning of greatness, as we know it to be. With this greatness comes the ability to love all unconditionally, to create the life we have always wanted that embraces only love and acceptance.

So in a nutshell if you are able to find this forgiveness for yourself and find the love and acceptance for yourself in any measure, deep within yourself. It might pleasantly surprise you how easy it will be to get Justin back. The dynamics will change and getting him back will seem effortless. With this newfound way of being you will then be able to aid Justin in healing from his experiences too and maybe one day he will learn to love is father despite his ways.

Much love and strength to you.

Kelcie

Rhutobello · Post by **Rhutobello** » Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:19 pm

Very nice input Kelcie,..... and Blackcat your action done in order to come back from such "hell" as drug gives....gives you the right to hold you head high and look everyone in the eyes whitout no shame....what is done...is Done...you have shown great strength....use this strength for the best for your son and yourself!

I have just 1 remark on the "thought" that the husband need to be in controll.

I don't think that is the case. I see he is on wellfare....when he has the son he get more money from the state.

So in my opinion is his only thought is what suit him best ecconomic.
This shown by sending his son away to such a school as described, I don't think this is done from love, but from fear to loose the monthly paycheck.
The son is just an ecconomic asset.
If he loved his son, then he would let both mother and grandparent have more say for the sons future.

Ms_Guided Angel · Post by **Ms_Guided Angel** » Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:27 pm

Blackcat...I have you in my prayers...Kelcie gave some excellent advice. Before I read it I wanted to say to you...that you cannot turn back the clock and change the things you've done, only learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't look over your shoulder unless only to see the stepping stones you've crossed in your path, not the stumbling blocks.

I have been in several "SAME" situations in my life, and truly understand. You have to decide that YOU LOVE yourself, you're not the only one who has made mistakes, and that you deserve. The positive things will come if you let them....

I hope that makes sense....and isn't offensive...I would love to talk to you more if you want, you can email or PM me. Chin up gurl.

"A friend is one who overlooks your broken down gate and admires the flowers in your garden....."

Hugs, Denise

Vishwas · Post by **Vishwas** » Wed Oct 04, 2006 2:38 pm

Very well said Kelcie, rutho & densie.

I really loved the line "A friend is one who overlooks your broken down gate and admires the flowers in your garden.....".

We are there, & we are hoping, wishing & praying for u.

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