Whoo haaaa! Okay hold the phone!
I can feel a box coming down over me and it's not the one that fits. I am extremely stressed out from my up incoming examinations so I think some of that high, intense energy may have transferred into my posts. For now when I think about it, it can seem like I may be (with my high levels of stress) what I call “extremists” – which I am certainly not. But I can understand why someone would think that of me right now.
Either I have not explained myself appropriately (which is very def the case) or you guys need more information.
I think it is both so here goes, now settle in folks cause this is going to be a bumpy ride!:
I was born in South Africa in a city called Cape Town. Now if you are not aware of South Africa and it's history then I recommend reading up a little. It is a place of great ups and downs. But it is still a third world country and having grown up there you had to learn how to survive. I have been mugged at knifes end more times than I can count, all my possessions stolen, my car ripped apart, my flat ransacked, I have many close friends who have been hurt in serious ways incl rape and a week later they are back at work. I have even been driven off the road by taxi’s etc etc. That is just the way it is and you have to survive no matter what.
It is a dangerous place but also the most beautiful place in the world – top tourism place actually.
It's only bad for the locals really since we live in it all day every day. The children grow up fast – they have to. Now I don’t want to give my home country bad press but I am just trying to be realistic here. I have seen many things in my short 23 yrs that many I hope will never see in the whole lifetimes.
Okay there is some background:
I am going to describe the day when I ‘woke up’:
My awakening goes a little like this...(about 2 years ago, since then its been like a 1000yrs every single day)
When I first became sensitive to all of 'this', 'this' is a great general word for ALL of it. I really got thrown in the deep end. It went from zero to 1000 in one breath. I was on a dancefloor at a trance party and all of a sudden I knocked out, now when I knocked out this is what I saw: Felt an intense pressure in the head and all around my head like it was being squeezed, then it became a humming sound then turned to imagery, me, my conscious was this ball of black. Me in this vision was outside of this ball of black, I was looking at this ball.
First a gecko tried to squirm its way into the ball, (if you can image a sperm trying to find it's way into an egg), I got very frightened by all of this, so i grabbed its tail with my hand and pulled it out, this was NOT easy! I mean I really had to drag it out, then I would slip on the tail and have to grab again and start pulling again. I was sing a lot of strength and energy just trying to stop it fro penetrating. Finally I did drag it out and it disappeared.
Then next came this sword , the word that comes to mind is celtic, The handle was a very specific imagery and still to this day am trying to find out where it came from? I grabbed its handle and tried the same, but this was so so so very strong that i lost my grip, esp since I was so ‘spent’ on the whole gecko battle and it just went sliding in! Then there was a bust of light in the ball, it kinda exploded and was no longer a ball with boundaries it was open wide space, then there were these tiny little red dots all around. I got the sense that it represented all the ppl awakened. (Almost like in the movie Xmen when the professor is able to see all the mutants all over the world).
They then all started to group together turn a brilliant white and start resembling the DNA structure, whizzing around!
Then completely combing and boom white light all over.
Then I opened my eyes (which was in actual fact about maybe 2sec later) I could feel everything around me! Every person, every tree, the ground I was standing on, the mountains, the sun-I could even smell the sun! I felt the wind as a presence, I tried to walk back to my camp site but it was like I was wading in water, I could feel the earth all the way up to my navel. It was insane and then I realized I could feel ppl in my head (the only way I can explain in) and I just freaked!!!! As I was a VERY private person (also didn't have much self confidence at all) and just the THOUGHT that someone could be reading my thoughts made me reel! So I did the only thing I thought I should do and that was to push these ppl out from my head. That was not a good choice. But anyways that is another story for another time.
The whole thing was rather startling to say the least.
To go from having the occasional intuitive moments to this full scale level was quite drastic to say the least.
I didn’t have a moments breath to even try understand what was going on and the next sec all these ppl were ‘flooding’ into my head with all their emotions etc
Then having these ppl mess with me for so long – well anyway I really don’t think I have explained how bad it really got.
Think about this: What happens when a whole bunch of ppl only really concerned about are things such as getting laid – to put it extremely crudely- and themselves. (How they can get ahead in life, they have no morals whatsoever.) What happens when these ppl start getting gifts and abilities? You can get a potentially very dangerous situation.
For instance, I have been subjected to spiritual rape as I call it on a few occasions. That is the day my heart and soul bled. The more you try get rid of it and as the panic starts to rise the more energy you are actually focusing on it and so makes it worse. You give more of your power away. You guys might have not sensed it yet – but it is happening and it's happening more often out there than you would like to imagine. When I first mentioned this to my reiki master he thought I made it up – or I was enjoying it or something like that. Like I created it etc etc. I have spoken to friends about the same thing and they were shocked, as they had felt it too and didn’t know what it was. Well 2 years later and my reiki master came to talk to me about it saying that more and more of his clients are mentioning the same thing.
So when I say I freaked out-I really freaked out!
And when I say ppl messed with me, they really messed with me on many different levels.
These last 2 years I have not worked once on my abilities. The only ‘work’ I have been doing is learning about what the hell is going on, what exactly am I feeling, how do I prevent some things. Through that process I naturally started to change and I started becoming a better and better person, & I realized that I also needed to work on myself.
So in no way am I forcing things AT ALL. I am trying to digest and understand what I am feeling and sensing. I’m just trying to cope – trying to stay sane.
I have not even used my abilities intentionally once! Only reiki.
I have no idea what I can do – I know only what I can feel and I’m trying to build up a solid base so that when or if I start looking at what I can do then I will be coming from stable ground.
I would very much like to be at ease in my surroundings, esp since I am still young, but I have lived many a year and age is really not significant. As we all should know.
And another thing it is not all doom and gloom – I am happier now than I have EVER been!
Another thing that might help you guys better understand where I am coming from is that when I use ‘’ over a word it is because that word is completely relative.
I will use it say over ‘good’ ‘bad’ etc I do that as an intentional daily reminder to myself that what is good? What is bad? Who decides? etc etc.
So I always keep things in perspective.
Here are some fundamentals that I live my life by.
the very words you choose have various interpretations
there is no wrong/right/good/bad
doesn’t matter which rd you took it's why you took it.
it ALL comes from the source
everything around us has cycles
everything that is, is.
No time is wasted. You are exactly where you are meant to be have faith in that.
don’t blow things out of proportion
some things will always remain a mystery
laugh
there is only one thing that exists and that is unconditional love, which is Truth
more likely than not you will be ‘wrong’
if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans
everyone and everything has their role in this life
be a better person every day
patience
humility at all times and in all situations
many do not know what they do – it's unconscious.
you have all the info and tools within you – anything that you could ever need is within you – just look.
you are not lucky – but blessed ( Doe
)
you deserve abundance in every single way and in all facets!
everything that you learn is a positive lesson
one will never be able to see all sides
learning things yourself, makes it easier for others to learn it.
if it doesn’t have a higher purpose then don’t do it. (I use this with regard to abilities – as an example: so what you can move an object with your mind, whats it's purpose? etc)
Intention is a major factor behind all things and one should be aware of it.
Take responsibility for every thought, word, emotion and action & take responsibility for others thoughts, words, emotions and actions – set them free!
There is strength through innocence (Lion and the Lamb image)
You are perfect in all ways – there is no lack
When you are with someone and share info there is symbiosis happening – they learn unconsciously from you and you them (even over the internet)
Always keep your eyes and ears open because the universe is always talking to you through your surroundings helping and guiding you.
There is a higher purpose for everything that happens to you (feeding off the what is , is)
Choose to be happy – it is a matter of just choosing - the power of choice – and you have to make a choice, can’t go around choosing not to choose.
The only difference between intelligence and wisdom is the act of doing (yes you can know all these things but it is very different when you do them and integrate them into every breath and blink of an eye)
you can handle anything that comes your way, otherwise it wouldn’t be there.
Be in every single moment completely – smell, feel, touch, taste, see completely
Always say thank you!
Forgive yourself
you are a spiritual banker; if you get 100 kudos each day how are you going to invest it? Only invest in high positive return accounts. Take your energy out of investments that give hardly any returns or negative returns. ie Let go of your baggage!
Always ask for help
Knowledge speaks- Wisdom listens – Jimi Hendrix
We (light workers) are in the service industry – We are just the hose pipe connecting the info and energy from up there to get down here. We are here to serve.
These are the things that are behind every time I speak or write.
I tend to think that these are the fundamentals –this is what I call my base – which I am still working on – and I tend to make the assumption (wrongly) that these are also apart of the base of others. So I sometimes forget to say these things because I assume that the other person must know them already.
So for that I apologize.
Okay now as that as a base let me get to replying! hahaha
Dessa wrote: You think you broadcast really loudly but you have so many closed doors its not even funny. Which is fine, it is just who you are.
Now that is really really interesting! I never knew that I was keeping such tabs on the doors…I knew I had that when I was younger…I thought I had opened them…actually i thought i'd taken a crow bar to some...
I don’t really know if that is a ‘bad’ thing – even though I think it sounds like it is.
I wrote this earlier and after a little thought I wonder if this is due to me “switching” off after my mother had a complete breakdown – when I made a choice to completely change and be like everyone else. Maybe I had to shut all those doors in order to be able to do that??? I have an insanely strong will power.
Dessa wrote:Other ideas and views of yours you shout from the rooftops with a mega phone into a micrphone that is attached to the worlds biggest loudspeakers lol which is also fine. "wink" it distracts folks from seeing the closed doors.
I certainly don’t want to be like that. I don’t think that is fine at all. That sounds terrible in my opinion. I certainly wouldn’t like to be at the other end of that.
Dessa wrote:Gee a Leo who is stubborn who would have ever thought it? LOL
BAH HA HA!! exactly! that’s why I don’t like the sound of my broadcasting techniques – makes me seem like “I’m da sh*t, yo!” Which I know I am certainly not. That is terrible actually the more I think about it.
*sigh* how am I going to ‘fix’ that.............*sigh* I guess all in due time.
Dessa wrote:Something you can learn in time but first learn the first steps before you learn the higher ones. You mentioned in one of your posts how you had to keep rebuilding your foundation, it is possible you had to keep rebuilding your foundation because you tried to build it to quickly, to much to soon kept some of the stability away from it. it is possible any way.
I was rebuilding so often as I kept building a base and then realized it was completely ‘incorrect’ so had to start again. I really have not been pushing anything. That is why I am just so confused you and Doe keep on saying to me that I must stop pushing. Cause I really have only been pushing on ways to survive as a sane person with all these feelings…I just started feeling, seeing and hearing things from that day. I haven’t worked at any of it. It just came to be; I just started hearing/feeling/seeing.
and then I’ve been trying to work out what it is.
I mean before that day I had no idea what a crystal was! Even though I was always interested in the other side of life I had no clue really.
Dessa wrote:LOL that can be a wicked blend, I was supposed to have been born the end of August and be a Virgo sun, but I stubbornly waited until end of Sept and so I am Libra, lol my Moon is Scorpio, and my Rising is Leo LOL and I was born in 65 not 85 LOL.
But I know that Leo/ Scorpio combination can be a tough one at times lol
yeah I also stubbornly wouldn’t come out for an entire week! Got everyone worried- leo dramas of course! My father is a Scorpio and damn- man –well yeah… and my mom is Virgo (black & white to the extreme).
Dessa wrote: I have different decks of animals cards that I use for guidance, and would be glad to draw some for you if you feel the need for them
This is what I have come up with over the last couple of months,
-->I have always shad rats my entire life and I LOVE them – they have been there throughout my entire life and they are apart of my very fibre. I have so much love and respect for them.
-->The wolf has been with me for many years (had a dream when the pack came to carry me away, like I had the choice to join the pack or not – this was about when I was 14yrs old- I was obsessed with city life then, all I wanted to do was go out and party and when I was given the choice, go somewhere I had no idea about or go dancing. In very blunt terms. I was foolish enough to choose the dancing side/city life – but as I know now it was the ‘right’ choice as everything happens as it must)
-->Deer
-->Never liked monkeys etc but then gorilla kept on coming up in my life so I had to take another look at them, and now I respect them, a lot.
-->Butterfly (just so many major moments I can’t describe them all)
-->Vulture
-->Cricket
-->Bat
and I think maybe even frog?? – they do keep on popping up 
-->Lion and other sorts of cats like the Lynx etc
-->I like snakes but they have had some very mixed feelings for me as a symbol.
I would very much like for you to help me out here, as I feel that I do trust you.
Dessa wrote: RoseRed, I know you have appreciated the wisdom of her words and sharing, but oh how I wish you could hear her soul, Doe is one of those truly awesome soul songs.
I wish I could hear it too. But I def do know what a wonderful person she is – so even though I might not hear it I can feel it.
Doe wrote: and he said, "I didn't want to say it, but..."--always very diplomatic!
That is brilliant!!! hahahaha!!!
Doe wrote: RoseRed, most of what I wrote to you was echoing what Dessa said--especially about trying to rush things. I wrote a lot, but what I wrote in my latest post under "Mediumship" about trying to control things kind of sums it up. There was a lot more about protecting yourself, and also about the fact that, as amazing and wonderful a thing as it is to be able to talk to spirits, it's not always joyful--it has the potential to be frightening and very sad. I also mentioned that I loved what was said in the book you read--something about fear and unconditional love. It really resonated with me, based on things I've seen and tried to learn.
I also agreed VERY much with what Dessa said about people who claim to have all the answers for you (as in, run, don't walk, away...). And I think I said that the only soul among the living has all of the answers (at least all of the ones you're meant to have) is you. But you'll get the answers when it's time for you to get them--to use them in the best possible way. It's just not up to you...I learned (and I'm still learning!) that the hard way.
Thank you so much Doe for helping me out here.
I will def go and have a look at that thread!
So much to learn…it's an amazing thing!
I hope to see you on here again and I shall def send you a PM if I need to bounce ideas, that goes for everyone
ooohh I really like what you wrote looking glass. Love it when stuff like that happens.
Thank you guys for taking the time to read what I have written.
I really appreciate it.
edit - spelling oh the dreadful spelling!