Post
by evangeline » Sat Jun 09, 2007 1:31 pm
my husband of 7 years died only 8 months ago..on the 8th. immediately, the first several days I was too emotionally upset, I think, to be able to remember any dreams, -what little I did remember were just bad dreams, but I couldn't ever remember enough to remember if he was in them. At night if I could sleep at all I would sleep heavily and then wake up in the morning and remember he is not here and cry again at having to be here without him...
very soon I started having dreams about him.. almost every night, but don't remember most of those. many of them seemed to be just wishful dreams that didn't make any sense except that I wished he were here...... dreaming that he actually did not die, but rather faked his death because of someone pursuing him.. I argued with him that SOMEone was in that coffin!
I had another dream that he came back to life, right out of his coffin, and was very groggy and wasn't quite sure at first what was happening.. I was so happy.
those, I think, were just wishful dreams...or... I don't know what.
but I have had several that were not. They just felt "different". It was so subtle I couldn't really tell you how they felt different, except for being more realistic (no mob guys chasing him around causing him to fake his death)... they just felt different, and more real.
The first, I dreamt he was there, standing infront of me, in a house I didn't recognize. There was a girl off to my left, far in the distance. I was afraid he was leaving me, and he knew this, but I refused to mention it to him, being afraid that saying something would only get me what I was afraid of... but he knew, and I knew it. I still refused. I was afraid that he was leaving me for this girl. (in real life, shortly before he died, we were having problems and there was a problem with a girl in which he did say that there was nothing left to work on between us, that he was seeing her..). I knew this girl was her. But he did not pay any attention to her, he never took his eyes from me. All this time we haven't said a word. He looked at me with eyes full of total love and understanding, .....not like him... he was a loving and sweet person but the understanding and love in his eyes was much more than he possessed here. I said.. "please don't leave.... I am not going to ask you to stay if you don't want to stay, but please don't go.." he said "I don't want to" ...then I knew he wasn't leaving me because of this girl. I gave him a hug and he hugged me back. I said "I love you" and he said "I love you too"..... then I knew something was wrong.. his eyes rolled back in his head, his head jerked three times, something like a seizure. he started to fall to the floor and I laid him there gently and he was gone.
(in real life, he died of trauma to the head, which I am not sure I knew/completely understood as the cause, at this point)
VERY shortly after that I had another dream, I appeared in this hallway, of a house I don't recognize. There were a couple of doors, nice wooden ones, closed. A few plants. Maybe a little bench to sit on. The walls were painted a sort of peachy/mauvish color... with soft lighting... some sort of wall sconces or very soft recessed lighting or something. It was warm in appearance, comfortable, homey. He was lying on a stretcher in front of me. My mom and dad were there.
(my mom and dad were getting divorced when my mom died (24 years ago, has it been that long?), my dad remarried. My mom did not know my husband but my dad did, and loved him to death. My dad died recently- 2 years 9 months ago).....
They were there with him, standing a few feet from the end of the stretcher, on the opposite side.
I just looked at him, and he looked at me. I felt love coming from him.. I just held his head in my arms.... hugging him.. I felt sad for his pain when he died and sad that he was not going to be here with me...when I say this I mean I meant for him to feel this. I wanted him to know I loved him and didn't want to leave him or for him to go. I just held his head in my arms, and then I was taken from the dream. I knew he was ok and comfortable. And with my mom and dad.
In another dream, about a month ago, I found myself in an old bedroom, us making love, and I know he was with me, because I felt so complete. I have felt so INCOMPLETE, like half of my soul was ripped from me, when he died.. and in that dream I felt that completeness as long as we were there.
I have had a few other dreams and experiences, but the most recent is this...
(I've felt so disconnected to him... where while he was here on earth, even when we were apart (and we spent a good deal of time physically apart), even as much as I missed him, at the same time, I hardly noticed the seperation, ... it was like our souls were always connected. I felt him with me constantly. I've missed him so much, since this has happened.....)
Recently I haven't had any dreams of him, I felt like he has gone away from me, left me alone.. I miss him so much and need him there. One night, not being able to sleep again, as pretty much always these days, I cried all night, I was so upset I prayed to God and told him all the things I felt and how much I miss him and need him here... to please ask him to come back to me, to tell me he loves me, to be with me.. never let him leave me,... please tell him to come back. I don't remember all the things I prayed, but I cried myself to sleep, and in my dreams I found myself in a place that was familiar. It was a church, where we both used to work, (although it didn't look the same, I knew where I must be) I was in a classroom, with some children.. wandering around the room...not sure what I was doing. Things were going on around me and I was randomly helping with them. I looked out a window at the end of the room. just a grassy yard. I walked up to the other end of the room and looked out the window. !! my husband, sitting there..out in the yard, sitting down watching (being responsible for) a group of kids.. (this is what we both used to do). I saw him, but he didn't see me. he was busy working.. my sister came to the window and saw him too. just then, as I was talking to her, he looked over and saw me in the window. He came up to the window, looked at me through it, and through the window, mouthed "I LOVE YOU TOO!" and kissed the window. !!
several days later, I remembered that back when we worked at this place, about 6 years ago, though we were both too busy to spend much time together during work, whenever he passed by my room, he would sometimes knock on the window and make silly faces at me or to make my kids laugh, or give me a kiss. :)
I know it seems like it could just be something I've made up in my mind, from past experiences.. But I think it had more to do with my request.
All I know is that he is sometimes with me, or can communicate with me, somehow.
I just don't want him to go away. .. I miss him very much and feel so torn about so many things. He is the person I want to be with forever.. but now I am alone here. I wonder if I could still be with him (married to him) forever when I get where he is...... or if he will be hurt if I am with someone here.. even though we discussed it before.. what would happen if one of us died. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to be my partner in life here, to be help me out, financially, emotionally, through life. Even then I would still want to be with him in the end. I wish I knew what happens there, ... if it is possible..to be married after we die.
sometimes I question the reality of these "dreams" since things were not on good terms when he died,... even though I know he wasn't sure about what he was doing, why would he change? I guess he understands a lot of things he didn't understand before... and realizes how very much I have always loved him.
someone else mentioned mouths not moving in their dream....
except for when he mouthed "I love you" through the window, I noticed the same...... all communication was through what we thought. I just knew.
I also have had dreams of my aunt who passed away a couple of years ago... Sometimes I would see her and think it was so strange .... KNOWING she had died, .... so not understanding how she was still here?! Feeling something was not right, she was not supposed to be here..And being somewhat frustrated, because I noticed that (in the dream) none of my family could see her there- only I knew she was there.
sorry for such a long post, ... just thought I would share my experiences.... to the original poster or anyone else who has had dreams like this, I wouldn't assume they are just dreams..
)
