How much of guests can one take?

Post by **swetha** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:17 am

Guests or relatives.. and I mean the dropping-in kinds... who just stopover at their convenience for the night or two or maybe just shopping? And get free boarding, food, laundry!

I am absolutely sick of them. How does one deal with it? When it becomes one every week... I am going nuts. I tell myself that if I cant avoid them them, then stop cribbing and put up a smile for them. Else do something about it?

It affects my mood, my routine, my work and I get tensed unnecessarily. I guess that's my problem....

How do I speak to my hubby and make him understand... without hurting him? I know he hates it as much as I do...but accepts it since he cant do anything about it.... and anyways...their being here or not hardly makes a diff..since he doesn't have to do anything...

I am rambling... just had to get it out  :smt003

PetraVanilla · Post by **PetraVanilla** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:33 am

Swetha, first - I think you need a hug! - So here's a virtual one! Second, believe me I have had trouble doing the same, but sometimes saying: "No I have other things to do today", or "Not today, I just need to rest today, because I have lots of things planned for tomorrow", or "Hey I am really busy right now (relaxing hehe), thanks for stopping by but come back another time... best if you call, first!" is perfectly ok! I am sure there are other things you can do in Feng Shui, but it may also keep away the beneficial guest.... just a thought... hey, honesty is the best policy! Get with the hubby and agree to tell all of your friends and family that you have a new rule.... "no unannounced drop-ins unless there is an emergency! Other than that x amount of time pre-contact mandatory before dropping by because you might have other plans etc etc..." - that way they know in advance and have no excuse. Or have the hubby do all the hosting and cooking for a change and see how long he puts up with it ;) - and how the guest take it... good luck and blessings!

Post by **swetha** » Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:29 am

thanks for your advice... I liked the part about the hubby doing everything ;)
point is they come not to meet us.. but they need a place to stay for the time they r here. And my hubby has this logic that don't we need to eat..so what is there is an extra person for dinner

PetraVanilla · Post by **PetraVanilla** » Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:55 am

I once had this neighbor wanting to come over like every couple of days and stay for dinner after she had dinner here once and evidently liked it a lot. I usually cook a nice big dinner when I expect company. But this one time she kept staying, mentioning that "oh my stomach is making noises, I think I am hungry..." It really started bothering me, because I am unemployed right now and she makes good money as a nurse and hasn't even once invited us to even just visit her. She always just comes knocking on my door unannounced... So I acted like I really didn't know what to cook... and she stayed so long that we were literally starving and I wouldn't have had time to cook a big meal at that point, anyway... so I started making Mac'n'Cheese and hot dogs. She left rather quickly when she realized she wouldn't get a great big meal haha...
Hint, Hint...! ;)
Make people's stay comfortable, but make it a limited courtesy thing when people take too much advantage of you. Kinda like: "Oh you are welcome to stay, but I have a project going on in the guest bedroom, right now. But the couch is certainly available!" ;) Or: "Oops, it's getting to be dinner time and I have nothing in the house... would you mind calling the pizza place and ordering us something?" and then when the pizza comes: "Oops, I thought I still had that $20 in my purse, so sorry, hey would you mind helping me out, friend?! - Next time I pay!" LOL (ok I've never done that, but it might be effective, haha, I think I am being a little mischievous today lol)
People often use my goodwill and generosity, but sometimes I just have to put my foot down!

spiritalk · Post by **spiritalk** » Tue Nov 03, 2009 6:46 pm

Anything over 2 weeks and they have moved in.  The first 2 days you are renewing acquaintance.  Then it grows to new experiences together for 2 days.  Then it gets old and you want your space back again.

PetraVanilla · Post by **PetraVanilla** » Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:55 pm

Sounds like some of those spirits LOL... and I thought you were always just serious, Spiritalk... I like your humor!

spiritalk · Post by **spiritalk** » Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:59 pm

Humor not intended, but it is a truth that we are spirit now - so yes spirit intrusion is real.  LOL

scarabcameo · Post by **scarabcameo** » Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:07 am

A weekend at most, although for relatives I endure 5 - 7 days.

Post by **swetha** » Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:48 am

how about one ever week for the night or two :D and a different one at that

So they can say we went only once a month. And yes...they come for "work" not becoz they care for us ..so only return home at 10pm and expect dinner to be served

 I guess it wouldn't have made much of a diff if my workplace was away from home.

my parents came and stayed for two months... this was the first time after our marriage they had come to be with us in over 5 years. It got a bit too much for my hubby..him being bipolar and all

But I am sure I shall be able to make them understand the next time. And they came specially to take care of me and did everything from cooking to washing... so it didn't put any pressure on me...

but can he tell them the same thing? It just puts me off absolutely

spiritalk · Post by **spiritalk** » Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:35 pm

If they enquire ahead - we are not available at that time.  If they ask Why?  That's on a need to know basis - special assignment.

If they don't enquire ahead - put on your coat and say:  Oh we were just going out - you will have to come another time.  It is always best to call to see if we are available.  

Wouldn't take long, they would get the message.

kalimullah_3 · Post by **kalimullah_3** » Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:22 am

I have similar problem, but it is due to other members of home who fond of guest, if I was alone no   unwanted guest can dare to intrude   my home. Certainly, it can be solved by understanding with all members of the family, and come out with policy. But it can be applied to new guest.
A palmist, after examining the fortune lines of a person said “I am sure your problems will be resolved in a year. The person replied “are you sure sir”.
“No the problems are not resolved, But you will used to the problems”, replied by the palmist.
I am sure Swetha’s problem will be resolved soon.

PetraVanilla · Post by **PetraVanilla** » Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:27 pm

I like Spiritalk's approach. Just pretend you're leaving or getting ready to... put on some make-up in their presence like you're in a hurry and excuse yourself, cuz you have to put on that nice blouse cuz you obviously cant do THAT in their presence... haha. Perfect!

Like the palmist joke, but can't bear the thought of having to get used to other people's bad habits! ;)

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How much of guests can one take?

How much of guests can one take?

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